


Better together prologue

by Dutch_chick674



Series: heartbreakverse [5]
Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: J-Squared, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 03:00:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dutch_chick674/pseuds/Dutch_chick674
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared finally left Jensen when he was tired of always being the second choice to the other man. He worked thought the hard times on supernatural but was happy when the series finally ended.</p><p>Jensen was broken when Jared finally had enough, even though he always knew in the back of his mind that thing would eventually fall apart. He only realized what a fool he was letting Jared go after he had ruined things between them</p><p>This is the story of what happens when they meet again four years after supernatural ended.</p><p> This is part of the heartbreak verse, but reading it not requited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue

“He left Chris, he just left me,” Jensen sobs.

The first thing Jensen did after he checked into the hotel, after Jared had changed the locks on his house, was buy two bottles of scotch and drink one. When he was ready to open the second one he called Chris.

Jensen can’t believe how much it hurt when Jared finally had enough. He can’t believe their last fight was what finally drove Jared away. They had fought about Danneel often but Jared always forgave him.

Except for this time.

“What are you talking about?” Chris asks and sounds confused.

And why wouldn’t he be confused? Jensen had kept Jared a secret from everyone he knew. As far as his friends are concerned Jensen is still happy with Danneel and is planning to marry the girl one day. Hell, even Jensen thought that’s what would happen. But then again, Jensen had thought Jared would always be there for him. As his dirty little secret.

“He’s done with me,” Jensen sighs.

“Who’s done with you? Jensen, are you drunk?” Chris asks.

Jensen blinks as the room spins around him. He has the feeling he’s about two minutes from passing out. He’s looking forward to it; at least then he doesn’t have to face everything that has happened.

“Jared,” he answers Chris’s first question.

“Where are you?” Jensen can hear concern in Chris’s voice this time.

Jensen smiles and is grateful for his friend. He could always count on Chris to be there for him. He tells the other man the name of the hotel and he hangs up the phone. There is no need to talk anymore. He tries to walk to the bed but falls over his own clumsy feet and doesn’t really feel it when he lands on the floor. He passes out before he can figure out how he’s supposed to get up.

***

Jensen wakes up, groggy and nauseated. He gets on his hands and knees before he throws up on the floor. He wonders if he should try and go to the bedroom, but decides it is already too late. After he’s done retching, he slowly gets up, feeling queasy. He stands in the middle of the room for a couple of minutes to make sure that he is alright, before he realized the pounding isn’t just in his head.

“God damn it, Jensen!” Chris’s voice comes from behind the door and he hears some more pounding.

Jensen moves towards the door as fast as he can, which isn’t all that fast, and hopes Chris hasn’t already called hotel security. When Jensen opens the door, Chris almost knocks on his head, but stops just in time.

“What the fuck, Jen?” Chris hisses. “You call me, drunk of your ass, not making any sense, and then hang up only to not answer your phone for the next four hours!”

Jensen cringes at Chris’s tone, knowing his anger only stems from his concern, especially since Jensen rarely gets drunk. Chris pushes past Jensen to go inside but stops the moment he sees the mess in the room.

“What the fuck,” Chris whispers before turning to Jensen. “You’re going to take a shower and then we’re going to talk about what happened.” He pushes Jensen towards the shower.

 

 

When Jensen gets out of the shower, Chris has called someone to get rid of the stain in the carpet and to clean the rest of the room.

“Better?” he asks after he hands Jensen a coffee and they both sit down.

Jensen wishes he could say yes, but the shower only made him feel cleaner. So, instead of answering, he makes a face before talking a big gulp of his coffee.

They sit together in silence. Jensen enjoys his coffee for a while before Chris loses his patience.

“You were going to tell me what was wrong,” Chris says, glaring at Jensen.

Jensen sighs. He knows that he had promised, but it’s a hard story to tell, and he isn’t proud of it. Jensen has begun to recognize his own fault. Right now, part of Chris is still feeling sorry for him, but after he tells him what he’s done, Jensen doubts Chris will be very understanding.

But he needs to get this of his chest, so he takes a deep breath before saying, “I’ve been cheating on Danneel.”

“What!?”

Jensen sighs again, and decided that he had the right idea last night: he needs to be drunk for this conversation. Ignoring his headache, he reaches out for the half-filled bottle of scotch that is still standing on the table.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Chris says as he slaps Jensen’s hand away from the bottle.

Jensen groans, miserable.

“No Jen, you’re not going to drink away your problems!” Chris says angrily before regaining his composure. “You cheated on Danneel?”

Jensen nods. “Many times, with Jared.”

Chris sighs. “Okay, you need to elaborate.”

Jensen nods again and tells Chris about the first time he and Jared hooked up, at the end of season two during a cast party. He’d been drunk and he had found himself kissing Jared, before dragging him back to his hotel room. At least that time he’d had the excuse of being drunk. What had started out as a great friendship slowly developed into a painful relationship.

He tells Chris that, despite being happy with Danneel, he always found his way back to Jared’s arms.

“Last week, at the con, he told me he’s had enough. Changed the locks to the house and everything. After a year of being together!”

Chris frowns at him. “After a year of you cheating on Danneel with him,” he states slowly.

Jensen shakes his head, wanting to deny it even if it was the truth. It didn’t matter anymore, it was over now anyway.

“You love him,” Chris says, and Jensen nods. “Then maybe you need to break up with Danneel,” Chris adds.

Jensen knows that; he had already realized it even through his drunken haze. He needs to start over, needs a clean slate. And no matter how much he tells himself he loves Danneel, he recognizes that it just isn’t enough.

Jensen can’t stop the tears from falling, no matter how hard he tries. He feels like a loser for crying on his friend’s shoulder, but it hurts so much.

“It’s okay Jen, you’ll be fine,” Chris says, and keeps repeating it until Jensen almost believes him.

***

“You know it’s not unusual for a woman to cry during sex. Sometimes they experience an orgasm so big they get emotional. Doesn’t mean they’re sad though,” Chad says.

Jared frowns. He doesn’t know why his friend is telling him this, but figures Chad is trying to cheer him up. After leaving the convention, Jared went straight home and called Chad, though he knew the other man was enjoying his vacation. Chad, good friend he is, came right away. He still doesn’t know what is bothering Jared, not yet anyway. And Jared has no idea how (or if) to tell him.

Jared had been stupid to let this thing with Jensen go on for a year. He had been so scared when he made the first move over a year ago, and then elated when Jensen came to him the time after that. He should have known that Jensen would never break up with Danneel. She is so damned perfect that Jared can’t even really hate her. Despite Jensen saying he loved him, Jared should have known that they were never meant to be more than fuck buddies.

“Dude are you even listening to me?” Chad says.

Jared looks up at his friend, and realizes he has drifted off again, thinking about Jensen—the one thing he had hoped Chad would distract him from.

“I’m gay.” It comes out of his mouth before he realizes it.

Chad gives him a sceptical look. “Gay?”

Jared nods. “I-I had this thing with a guy. Jensen. And after that I. . .” he trails off, unable to continue.

“Gay?” Chad asks again.

“Yes.”

Chad shrugs. “Just because of one night with Jensen?”

Jared wants to tell him it was more, that it was a relationship, but he decides it doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past now.

“Yeah, I wanted you to be the first to know, you know, before I told anyone else,” Jared says.

“I think you need to be sure before you tell your parents,” Chad says, then nods. “We should go out, find you a couple of guys to date. Just so you know it wasn’t a fluke. I mean, if you squint, Jensen can look a bit like a girl.”

Jared can’t help but laugh at that. But Chad has a point; Jared needs to see what is out there, and try to get over Jensen.

“Yeah, let’s go out,” he says, and although the smile feels forced now, he knows one day it will be genuine again.


	2. Chapter 2

Four years later...  
Jensen’s heart stops when he sees Jared on the red carpet. He knew they would eventually see each other again. They both run in the same circles, so it is kind of a miracle that it took four years for this moment to happen.

Jensen stays at a respectable distance as he watches the other man interact with the press, and wonders if he should greet him. He’s happy when the decision is taken away from him by a photographer requesting a picture of him and Jared together. He waits a moment, to see Jared’s reaction, and when it doesn’t look like the other man is going to object, Jensen walks over. Jared is stiff, and the interaction is uncomfortable at first, but soon they fall back into the easy flow they used to have.

They continue to make small talk even after they enter the theatre, out of the eye of the press. And, because someone out there loves him, Jensen is seated next to Jared. When Jensen points this out Jared just shrugs, and says that the person who had made the seating arrangement obviously knew that they used to work together and used to be friends. For one awkward moment, Jensen tries to explain the past, only to be cut off by Jared. Jensen understands; this is not the time, nor the place. They remain quiet during the movie, and Jensen is enthralled with Jared moving on screen. 

At the end of the movie, Jensen is disappointed, and he wishes for an excuse to spend more time with Jared. He wants to talk to this person who once was the most important person in his life, and needs to make sure that at least one of them is happy.   
Then Jared turns to him, eyes soft and wet with emotion, and Jensen can’t believe his ears when Jared asks if he wants to grab something to drink after the premiere. 

 

When Jared calls him a week later, to set up lunch, he tells himself not to get his hopes up and that Jared probably only wants to catch up, maybe even be friends. Even if that thought breaks his heart a little bit, he has to admit he misses Jared, misses the easy camaraderie they once had and he is willing to try and get it back. 

He had never expected to get a second chance at a relationship with Jared, not after everything that had happened between them and how much he had hurt Jared. He didn’t think Jared would open himself up to Jensen like that again, but since their second date, Jared has been shyly flirting and Jensen can't help but flirt back. He also can't stop the tiny spark of hope that flares every time Jared smiles at him.

They don't see each other nearly as much as Jensen wants. They are both busy guys. Jensen finally gets a change to direct a TV movie. It might not seem like much but it has some big names attached. Jared has a big part in a drama, and is happy that he finally gets a chance to prove he can act, which he didn’t get in the rom-coms after Supernatural. Despite the scheduling problems, they still made time for each other once or twice a week. 

“I can't believe you're going to direct Joseph Gordon-Levitt. You know he's been getting Oscar nods for years now. This movie is going to be big just because he's in it,” Jared says, smiling at Jensen.

“Oh, so not because I'm a great director,” Jensen says playfully before taking a sip from his whine.

Jared eyes go big and Jensen can't help the laugh that escapes.

They're at a restaurant eating dinner together. It still feels a little strange to be out in public together like this. Despite that they had both told the public they were gay, after things between them had ended, Jensen still has to resist the urge to duck his face away every time someone walks by. This can easily been seen as a romantic dinner and he is nervous. He never really dated in public. He isn't even sure this is a date, but still.

“I know I'm lucky to get this chance,” Jensen says, after he's finished laughing, “It's a good script too. How's your movie coming along?”

“Great man, I know it’s going to be a good one. I’m going to leave for a location shoot tomorrow. You know shit is classy when you get those, right?” Jared says, smiling.

Jensen nods, proud of Jared. He sits back as Jared starts telling him about the things he plans to do and the things he wants to see when he is on location, and Jensen is happy to listen.

***

Jared hadn't planned on drinking as much as he did. He had so much fun last night that he forgot the way he got around Jensen when he was drunk. So, when they finally left the restaurant, Jared was hanging off Jensen, and his hands grabbed at every part of the other man that was within reach. Unfortunately, Jensen was in much the same state, which meant their second first time together was nearly a copy of their real first time together. 

 

“Come on, Jensen. I want you so much. I've missed you inside of me,” Jared moaned, pulling Jensen against him.

Jared could feel Jensen’s groan rumble against his chest where Jensen lay on top of him. He pushed up from the couch to take off his own shirt and then started on Jensen's. 

“God Jay, you, so hot,” Jensen whispered, undoing Jared’s pants. 

Jared shakes the memory away. He doesn't want to think about how Jensen’s hands found their way around his cock, or about how he and Jensen had proceeded to get each other off.   
Jared groans, feeling a headache start at the back of his head, one that is sure to bloom into a full-on hangover. He's about to get up when he hears his bedroom door open.

“Hey Jay,” Jensen’s soft voice cuts the silence. 

Jared turns to look at the other man. Jensen's wearing the same jeans he wore last night, and he still looked sleep-rumpled and cute. He's holding a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of Advil in the other. 

“I guessed you might need this?” he asks, sounding unsure.

Jared wonders if Jensen is having flashbacks too, and is remembering the way Jared had kicked him out of the bed, and out of his house, the first time they had slept together, all those years ago. Jared had been furious to be the one Jensen cheated with. He got over it eventually, stupidly enough. But the situation is different now, he tells himself. Jensen is single now.

Jared takes the pills and water from Jensen, swallowing them down gratefully, happy to have an excuse to stay quiet, at least until the glass is empty. Jensen sits down awkwardly on the bed next to him, making sure to keep some distance between them. Jared thinks it’s kind of funny, because he was fairly certain Jensen woke up this morning with Jared plastered to him. He has always cuddled close in his sleep. 

“I'm sorry Jared,” Jensen whispered head bowed. “Damn it,” he continues, under his breath, then he turns to Jared, “I was hoping we could take it slow.”

Jared smiles even though he knows it must look faked. “Too late for that now,” he says.

“Too late for everything, or too late to go slow?” he asks taking Jared’s hands. “Because if I have a chance with you Jay, I'm going to take it.”

Jared sighs. “I’m not sure Jen, the last few weeks have been wonderful and I've missed hanging out with you. But, if we're going to do this? I want to date. I want. . .” He doesn't know how to continue, doesn’t know how to say that he wants more. He wants everything he didn't have the first time around, and he wants to be loved the way he knows he deserves.

Jensen nods. He lies down, pulls Jared against him, and softly strokes his hair. And Jared thinks that maybe he doesn't need to say it after all. 

***

Jensen starts thinking about ways to win Jared over. He knows better than anyone that having sex with someone doesn't mean you hold their heart. Jared won’t let him in as easily as he did the first time, and Jensen understands that he hurt the man so much that he has to earn his way back.

Sleeping with Jared was a stupid move, not that either of them was really thinking at the time; both of them had drunk too much and it happened in the heat of the moment. Not that he regretted it; it had gotten Jared to admit that he wanted to be courted, even if he hasn't said so. Jensen is learning to read between the lines. 

So now Jensen is breaking his head on how exactly he is going to do this. He wishes for a friend he could call on for advice, but the only person he can think of is Steve, and he is on tour with Chris. And the moment Chris gets wind of what going on, Jensen is sure he'll take the first plane back to LA to slap some sense into him. 

He's kind of lucky that Jared had a location shoot so soon after their hook-up. It gives him some time to think things over. He wishes he hadn’t gotten used to having Jared in his life again. He picks up his phone more than he wants to admit, but, because of the time difference, he knows he’ll wake up Jared. Luckily, he still has his work to distract him. 

***

Jared lets himself fall back on the hotel bed, sighing. He used to love location shoots, was happy to see more of the planet and was grateful that his job provided the opportunity. A good side-effect of these shoots was getting closer to the cast and crew, but Jared isn't really enjoying this location shoot. He seems to have s a hard time fitting in. He never had this problem before; usually conversation flowed easily with him. But now he isn’t really interested in what his co-workers have to say. 

He finds himself remembering times on Supernatural and the close knit family he had there. He finds himself turning to make a joke or plan a prank, expecting Jensen to be standing right next to him. He hasn’t had those urges in years and he knows seeing Jensen again, connecting with him again, is the cause. Jensen has wormed his way back into Jared life and heart. And despite how scared it makes Jared, the only thing that makes his bruised heart feel better is Jensen. 

After a long week of late night shots Jared is ready to drop. Remembering Supernatural and the way Jensen and he were back then, without the heartache that usually came with these memories, is making him miss Jensen. But the truth is they are barely dating, and calling each other every day would be weird. Besides, Jared doesn't want to seem needy, though he desperately wishes he could justify a late phone call. He has to make do with texting Jensen, which he does as often as he can.

Jared feels himself slowly drift into sleep when his phone startles him. Jared can't help the smile on his face when he sees who's calling. Jensen.

“Hey Jen!” 

“Hey Jared,” Jensen sounds sleepy, like he just woke up. 

Jared turns to look at the clock: one AM, and it’s three hours later where Jensen is, so no wonder he sounds sleepy.

“Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?” Jared questions, even though he really wants to talk to Jensen.

“I was, but your text said you'd be done around this time so I set an alarm.”

Jared can't help his giddy feeling at Jensen's admission; it’s very sweet of Jensen to disrupt his sleep just to talk to Jared. Unfortunately, it also reminds Jared of other late night phone calls, made when Danneel was asleep so that they could have some privacy. Jared pushes away those thoughts . That’s in the past, and there’s no need to think about it now. 

“I miss you man, I know it's strange with the way we left things after...”

“I miss you too,” Jared cuts in before Jensen can finish. He doesn't really want to be reminded of that night, and he stubbornly ignores the fact that he has been revisiting those memories each of the last seven nights.

He’s afraid. The last time he let himself feel so much it nearly broke him. He can't believe Jensen has him tied up in knots already. 

“Yeah,” Jensen sighs softly, “I know you're more than I deserve, and I plan on wooing you.”

Jared can't stop the giggle fit that comes. “You're ridiculous,” he says when he has caught his breath. 

“I know. Now tell me how your day was.” 

Jared relaxes back into his cushions and starts telling Jensen about the cool stunts he was able to do today. 

***

Jensen is nervous about meeting Jared at the airport without having discussed it with him first. When he came up with the idea, it had seemed romantic, but now it just seems stupid. He and Jared aren’t that serious yet. And he fears Jared might think he is assuming things by picking Jared up from the airport.

Jensen is second guessing his every move, and has been ever since he and Jared had met again, which is unusual for him. He usually isn’t afraid of failing or looking like a dork. But this time, he doesn't want to fuck it up and he’s afraid that Jared might take one look at him then turn and walk away. 

Jensen had been thinking about ways to win Jared back, and coming up blank, until he eventually caved and called his mom to ask for some tips on romance. It had meant listening to his mom squealing and asking him who the lucky guy was. Truth be told, he would do anything to make this work. After all these years, Jared is still the one who got away, the one Jensen never forgot. He wasn’t joking when he said the he was willing to work for it.

He just hopes that Jared likes the surprise Jensen has in store for him. 

Jensen spots Jared the moment the other man comes out of the baggage claim. Jared's face breaks into a bright grin the moment he sees Jensen standing there, a single red rose in hand. Jared walks up to him, laughing, and Jensen can't help but grin in response.

He wants to do the ridiculous romantic thing and run up to Jared and throw himself at the other man. He doesn’t, afraid of someone seeing them. Things between them are too new to go public yet. Besides he doesn’t know how Jared feels about him being there, he doesn’t want to get rejected.

“Hey,” Jared says, the moment he’s within earshot, “you didn't have to come.”

Jensen feels himself blush, “I wanted to.”

Jared’s smile grows impossibly bigger and he leans down to kiss Jensen. It's a soft and gentle kiss, over before Jensen's ready.

They stand there for a minute before Jared takes his hand and walks towards the exit.

“You know that rose is ridiculous, right? I know you said you were going to woo me but dude,” Jared says as they walk through the airport. 

Jensen shrugs. “I know. Well, I realized after I bought it, but by then I already had it.”

He doesn't know when he developed this nervous babble. 

“Next time, just bring a cup of coffee,” Jared says turning towards him when they get to the car. “So what did you plan for us today?”

“How did you know I had something planned?”

“Come on Jensen, I still know you.”

“Uh,” Jensen starts, all of a sudden doubting himself, “I was going to drive you home, cook you dinner. I'm guessing you're tired, so I wanted to watch a movie.”

Jared pulls Jensen close, and kisses him deeply. “That sounds awesome,” Jared breathes against Jensen's lips.

“Yeah? I didn't think you'd have anything edible at home so I brought groceries.” Jensen says opening his car.

Jared sighs when he gets in. “You are awesome.”

They drive in silence, and Jensen smiles softly to himself when his hand find Jared's, and he links their fingers together.

When they get to Jared's home, Jensen tells Jared to go unpack his bags while he starts dinner. 

When Jared comes into the kitchen, Jensen is humming to himself while he tosses an onion into the stir-fry he is making. Jared steps up behind him, wraps his arms around him and kisses his neck. Jensen forgets the years that have come between them and is thrown back four years as soon as he feels Jared’s hard body 

“Hey Jay. Dinner is almost ready. You just sit down.”

Jensen puts the wok on the table and sits down across from Jared smiling softly, “So tell me how the location shoot was.”

Jared starts telling Jensen about his new movie and the director he is working with. Jensen sits back and listens to Jared babble. They finish eating at about the same time as Jared finishes telling his stories, and then Jared and Jensen clear the table together in silence.

It's easy between them, just like it had been before. Only this time Jensen knows to appreciate and cherish it. Jared starts losing focus halfway through the movie and, when Jensen has to rouse him, he decides to call it a day. They spend half an hour at the door kissing each other goodbye. All in all, he considers it a good date.

***

“So now the two of you are together?” Chad asks, in disbelief.

Jared shakes his head. “No, we’re just dating. I'm not going to just start something with him again. He didn't have to work for it the first time; this time will be different.”

Chad nods. Chad is the only person who kind of knows what went down with Jensen. Well, maybe that isn’t exactly true. Chad thinks Jared and Jensen only hooked up once, and Jared was too ashamed to tell him everything. He was ashamed of the way he almost gave up everything for a man who was never really his. 

“So he takes you out and buys you flowers and shit?” Chad asks.

Jared feels a blush creep up his face, because, despite it being extremely girly, that's exactly what Jensen had been doing. Jared had thought that Jensen had been joking when he had said that he was going to woo Jared. But it seems like Jensen is determined to make up for lost time. For the past month, Jensen had been the perfect gentlemen. If Jared was honest with himself, he has to admit he kind of likes it. It makes him feel special in a way that being with Jensen never has before.

“He does, doesn't he?” Chad says, clearly surprised, and then his face turns serious. “Well you deserve it.”

Jared nods. After Jared cut it off with Jensen, things had been rough, but Chad had been there for everything. Even though Chad came to live in Vancouver for a month or two, Jared never really gave the other man an explanation for his depression. Now Jared is thinking that maybe Chad knew a bit more that he was letting on. 

“Yeah I like to think so. Another beer?” Jared asks, trying to change the topic.

Chad nods. “Yeah and when you get back you can tell me all about the dates. But leave the kinky sex stuff out of it yeah?”

Jared nods; there was no kinky sex stuff to tell. As he said before, they have been taking it slow. Not that Jared didn't want to have sex, but it was nice just to hang out together. After that one night they haven't slept together, and all they have been doing is going to out to dinner and, a couple times, staying at Jensen's or Jared’s to watch a movie. Of course, there was making out involved, but Jensen always stopped before things went too far.

“So tell me,” Chad says when he walks back into the living room with two beer and four tequila shots. “Are you Mrs. Ackles or is he Mrs. Padalecki?”

Jared growls, and throws a napkin at his friend. 

At the end of the night, Jared is more than a little bit drunk when he goes home. He can't stop thinking about Jensen. He tries not to, but he can’t help but wonder what they are to each other. He wants Jensen to be his boyfriend. He never had the guts to tell him. 

He's so busy thinking about Jensen that he doesn't realize he gave the cab driver Jensen's address until he's in front of Jensen's house.

All the lights are out, but the cab has already left so it seems as if he doesn't have much of a choice but to wake Jensen up. It takes almost five minutes of leaning on the doorbell before Jensen finally opens. 

Jared smiles when he sees his boyfriend looking all confussed and cute. Then he starts thinking about the boyfriend part again.

“Are you my boyfriend?” is out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

“What?” Jensen asks, with a cute little frown on his forehead. 

Jared pushes him aside to get to Jensen's couch, suddenly feeling dizzy. Jensen sits down next to him.

“Jared?”

Jared lets his head roll towards Jensen, and leans back against the couch.

“What are you doing here? Other than asking me if I'm you boyfriend?” Jensen asks.

Jared looks at him before leaning in to Jensen side and kissing him deeply, the way he’s wished Jensen would do many times. He manhandles Jensen so that Jensen is lying on the couch before Jared crawls on top of him. 

“Hmm, missed this,” Jared murmurs into Jensen's mouth, letting his hand roam over the other man's body.

“Jay, baby you have to stop. You're drunk and you don't want this, at least not now,” Jensen says when Jared's wandering hands reach his belt.

Jared opens his mouth to protest but the movement makes the room spin and bile rises in his throat. He makes a dash for the bathroom to throw up. 

***

Jared wakes up the next day with a splitting headache. When he sits up and looks around, he sees Jensen lying next to him. God, he had been so stupid yesterday. He should have known better than to show up at Jensen's door drunk off his ass. 

“Hey,” he says, embarrassed.

“We have to stop ending up like this,” Jensen says smirking a bit. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a fool.”

Jensen smiles at him. “So I take it you remember everything?”

Jared nods hiding his face in the pillow. 

“Good,” Jensen says pulling Jared so that he's facing him. “You know Jay you don't have to be drunk to be honest with me.”

Jared looks up at Jensen. The other man looks sincere and a bit sad.

“I like to think that we are better at this, now. That we can talk about the way things are progressing in our relationship.

Jared blinks at Jensen. “Our relationship?” he questions.

Jensen nods, and pulls Jared against him so that Jared’s head rests on Jensen shoulder. “I'd like to think that's what we have. That this is what we are choosing to start.”

Jared did not expect that level of maturity from Jensen. Something has changed over the years, and it comes as a relief, since Jared has apparently lost his nerve to talk about relationships.

“Yeah, I'm sorry for storming in like that.” 

“It’s okay, Jay,” Jensen says, nudging Jared so that they can kiss.

After a couple of minutes, Jensen pulls back, smirking. “Now I’m going to make you some breakfast,” Jensen says, pushing of the bed and walking out of the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

The doorbell rings and Jared goes to open the door. Jensen and he are going on another date and he is excited. He can’t wait to see what Jensen has planned for him this time. When he opens, the door Jensen is standing there with a big smile on his face. 

Jared leans in to give him a small kiss before asking, “What are you smiling about?”

“Wanna go see Jason tonight? He just invited us over for his gig. I had this romantic dinner planned but Jason’s gig sound like fun,” Jensen asks, looking excided at the prospect. 

Jared smiles; he remembers Jason’s gigs. Even went to see a couple after he and Jensen ended things. He loved the music the other man played, and, knowing Jason, it would likely be in an intimate bar which made it even better. 

So, of course Jared wants to go; it sounds like a great date. Jensen’s smile grows impossibly brighter when Jared says so. 

They get to the club early and they get a table at the side of the stage. They both order something to eat. Unfortunately Jason is too busy with setting up the stage to really talk to them, but he comes over to say hello, and he asks if they want to stay after he’s done so they can catch up. 

They both eat their dinner, talking about how their work is going and about how their week has been. Soon enough their plates are cleared and Jason starts playing.

After a while, Jensen starts swaying to the music, and Jared sees Jensen mouthing along with the words. The light catches his hair and Jared thinks he has never looked more beautiful. 

When the music ends, Jensen turns to smile softly at him, and Jared thinks that Jensen, like this, is all he’ll ever need.

***

“Cut!” Jensen yells, grinning. “Great take, you guys.”

Jensen walks over to the small screen to watch the playback, and to make sure this take is good as he thought. 

“I think we nailed it this time, Jen,” Joseph says, coming up behind Jensen.

Jensen really hopes so. They have been having trouble with this scene. No-one knows exactly what’s wrong, but the scene just seemed off somehow. Joseph’s suggestions of minor changes to the script seem to be working this time.

When he’s done watching, Jensen turns to Joseph. “I think so too, Joe,” he says and smiles.

He likes Joseph; the man is amazing. When they first started working together Jensen had expected a high-maintenance actor, but nothing was less true. Joseph only chooses parts he thinks are good and he is willing to put in just as much effort and time as Jensen. They had clicked right away, and Jensen had been happy to find someone who was just as passionate about this as he was. It makes it very easy to work with Joseph.

“So you want to go out? Have a couple of beers to celebrate?” 

“Can’t,” Jensen says and shakes his head. “A couple of friends of mine are coming into town. Maybe later though?” 

Jensen could have invited Joseph, but he wants to tell Chris and Steve about Jared. He had already told Jason, so he can’t avoid it any longer. He just hops Chris and Steve are as supportive as Jason had been. Of course, Jason doesn’t know the whole story. Jensen doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have Joseph there for this conversation, even if it is no secret on set that Jensen is dating a man. 

“Jenny boy are you ready to get out of here?” As if on cue, Chris comes barging onto set.

“Don't call me Jenny, you freaking hippy,” he growls, before getting up to hug both his friends. It’sgood to see them again.

“I have to finish up some things here,” Jensen says, looking around. 

Joseph grins before introducing himself.

“I’m assuming we’re done for the day Jen?” Joseph asks after the introductions are made.

“Yeah, are you done for the day, Jen?” Chris asks.

Jensen glares at the other man before turning back to Joseph to promise him a rain check on the beer.

Chris grasps Jensen's arm as Steve takes Jensen’s jacket. 

“The star of the movie seems nice,” Chris says, staring after Joseph.

“Put a sock in it Chris,” Jensen says, tired of Chris making these insinuations, as if he would jump every hot guy that he interacted with.

Everyone around him has already started cleaning up, obviously taking their cue from Joseph.   
“Let’s go get drunk,” Jensen says, grinning. 

Twenty minutes later, the three of them are sitting at the bar, holding beers. Jensen tells them about getting back together with Jared and how happy he is that he has gotten a second chance. 

“So this is for real this time?” Steve asks, after Jensen’s finished.

Jensen is aware that, even though he had only told Chris, Steve knows the whole story too. Chris had always made it clear that there were no secrets between him and Steve. And Jensen is okay with that—even grateful. He knows he couldn’t stomach telling the whole sordid story of him and Jared twice. 

“Are you sure about this?” Chris asks and Jensen nods. “You really got hurt the first time,” Chris continues.

Jensen knows that his friend is just being protective. He understands that it must have been hard watching him recover after the breakup, but it wasn’t Jared’s fault. Jensen was the one who fucked up, and he is well aware that he needs to make up for his past mistakes.

“You know that was all on me, Chris. I was the one who decided to date Danneel and do whatever the fuck me and Jared were doing back then. I was the one who fucked up.”

Chris and Steve both hum at that. They don’t argue. Jensen nods to himself before ordering another beer. When he turns back to his friends, Chris touches his arm.

“Just Jens, be careful okay? That’s supposed to be all in the past if you want to have a future with him. There should be no blame between you. Make sure there isn’t.”

Jensen nods and stares at his friend. He doesn’t think Chris is right, not really. Sure Jared and he are starting over, but Jensen knows he has to make up for the past.

“Okay now enough seriousness. Shots!” Steve yells at the bartender before Jensen can argue with Chris. 

The next four rounds are all bought by his friends, and soon enough, all his problems are forgotten. When he stumbles home after the bar closes, Chris and Steve make sure he gets to his bed safely.

And this? This is why Jensen loves hanging out with his friends.

***

Jared stands off to the side and watches Jensen. He loves Jensen’s intensity when he works, especially if Jensen is working on something he loves. Jensen’s pride in his project was clear, from the moment he told Jared about the movie. Jared had been waiting for an opportunity to come to set and see Jensen in his element. 

Wearing a baseball cap, sporting a scruffy beard—the up sides of not being on camera— Jensen still looks gorgeous. Jared hasn’t seen him with beard in a long time. Whenever they meet, Jensen is always clean shaven. Jared smirks; he probably has done it to avoid beard burn. 

He still has a small smile on his lips when Jensen turns around and sees him standing there.

“Jay,” Jensen says, and his face splits into a big grin.

“Hey Jen,” Jared says, walking up to kiss him.

He loves that he can do this now, that he can kiss Jensen in public. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind, quite the opposite. Jensen seems to enjoy their little moments of PDA. Jared is still initiating it most of the time but he enjoys the knowledge that Jensen won’t duck away when Jared kisses him.

“What are you doing here,” Jensen asks as he pulls Jared along.

“Well, I’ve been so busy with the night shoot that I’ve hardly seen you this week. I thought I could wait here until you’re done then go to your place?” 

Jensen laughs and takes Jared’s hand. “You have perfect timing. We just wrapped up,” he says. When Jared raises his eyebrows, he adds, “We were losing natural light. It means I have to start early tomorrow, though.”

“I promise not to wear you out to much,” Jared jokes and Jensen ducks his head to hide his blush.

They leave, after a having said goodbye to some of the lingering crew.. Jared can’t help his blush when Jensen introduces him as his boyfriend. Jared still wasn’t used to Jensen calling him that.

“I hope you’re not expecting high cuisine, because I don’t think I have anything edible,” Jensen says when Jared pulls him towards his car. “Where are we going? My car is over there,” 

“I thought I could maybe spend the night? Let me drive you back here tomorrow morning?” 

Jared watches Jensen’s reaction anxiously. He doesn’t really think Jensen will object to sleeping together, but well, one never knows. Jensen just smiles.

“Are you sure you don’t mind getting up early on your day off?” he asks.

Jared shrugs. He normally doesn’t like it, but their schedules aren’t really aligned right now, nor will they be anytime soon. So they will have to make do with the time they have. He tells this to Jensen, and the other man just nods and gets in Jared’s car. 

“So pizza and a movie at your place?” Jared asks when he gets behind the wheel.

***

Pizza and a movie at Jensen’s place turns into making out while waiting for the pizza to arrive. At the sound of the doorbell, Jensen rushes to the door, over-tips the pizza boy, and rushes back to the couch. 

They let the pizza get cold in favour of making out some more. Jensen is hungry but he can’t seem to pull himself away. It feels good to have Jared close to him, and Jensen can’t stop his hands from wandering. He moans when Jared responds to his touches. He forgot how responsive the other man was to touch. When his hands get to Jared’s belt buckle he pulls back.

Jared look beautiful, with his face flushed and his hair tousled. Clearly aroused, Jared takes fast, shallow breaths. Jensen pauses a moment to just look.

“Can I?” he asks and Jared nods.

He makes quick work of Jared’s belt and pulls out Jared’s cock the moment the fly is down. Jensen wraps his hand around Jared’s cock and can’t help licking his lips as he looks down.

“Oh god,” Jared hisses when Jensen starts pulling. 

“Hmm, I think I forgot how big you were, babe,” Jensen murmurs against Jared’s neck. “God you are so hot. Make me crazy.” He groans and pushes his hips down in an attempt to get some friction. 

“Yeah?” Jared asks breathlessly.

Caught up in the moment, Jensen takes one of Jared’s hands in his and places it against his crotch.

“This is how hard you make me,” Jensen whispers.

Jared shudders against the touch, and palms Jensen’s cock. Jensen takes his hand out of Jared’s pants. He needs both arms to support him if he doesn’t want to smother Jared. Jared doesn’t seem to mind, as he’s pushing his hips up to meet Jensen’s. Jensen looks down and follows the motion of Jared’s fingers as Jared pops the button of his jeans and pulls down the zipper. Jared’s breath catches, and Jensen looks up to see the pure want in Jared’s eyes before they close.

“Oh Jen,” he whispers.

Before Jensen’s brain can catch up with his actions, he finds himself on his knees. He pulls down Jared’s pants and starts mouthing his cock through his boxers. Jensen fills with a sudden need for Jared; he wants to watch the other man to lose it, and know that he’s the cause. Jared’s hand moves to the back of his head, pulling Jensen away from his cock.

“We don’t,” Jared says, and then licks his lips. “Are we ready for this?” 

Jensen looks up at Jared, and the question is clear in his eyes. Jensen honestly doesn’t know, but he also doesn’t want to stop. He figures this is a case of trial and error, he just hopes that Jared won’t freak out. 

“Do you think we are ready? Do you want to stop,” Jensen asks licking his lips.

If Jared wasn’t ready to have sex, then Jensen would wait. He knows that the last time, when he was still with Danneel, it seemed that all he had wanted from Jared was sex. He had done all the relationship things with Danneel, and had gone to Jared for friendship and sex. Only after things ended, did he realize that Jared meant so much more. He needs to make sure Jared knows that this isn’t just about getting off now. He has to know that Jensen is serious and that he won’t make the same mistake. This time Jensen will appreciate what he has. 

Jared’s eyes go wide before he closes his eyes and moans, pulling Jensen’s head forward.

“Oh god, no. I’m so ready for this,” Jared whispers.

The moment Jensen gets the okay from Jared, he stops thinking about the past. Jensen’s hands are on Jared’s hips, holding him in place and pushing down his boxers. Jared’s cock bobs up as soon as it leaves the confinement of the boxers. Jensen licks the head and tastes the bitter precome. 

Jensen sits up so he can swallow Jared’s cock, swirling circles around the head with his tongue and just enjoying the thick feel of it in his mouth. Jensen takes in as much as he can, and almost gags at the last. The noise Jared makes it totally worth the effort.

Jensen loses it when Jared starts moaning nonstop. He starts bobbing his head, licking, sucking and panting around Jared’s cock. It doesn’t take long for Jared to make a strangled noise, to pull out of Jensen’s mouth, and to come all over his face. 

Jensen wipes his face on his shirt and looks up at Jared, who’s leaning back against the couch, his eyes closed and still panting. 

Jared opens his eyes and yanks Jensen up. He pulls Jensen up, and shoves a hand down his jeans. Jensen pants and pushes down against Jared, and comes in a few quick strokes. 

Jensen is still coming down from his high when Jared gets up from the couch and takes the pizza box to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Jensen asks and looks up, slightly dazed.

“I’m going to microwave this pizza. I know you don’t like it cold,” Jared says with a grin, before he disappears into the kitchen.

***

Jared hates night shoots almost as much as he hates being on location, but it’s fun to spend some time with his co-workers this time around. Once he stops moping around and checking his phone every few minutes, some of the others are actually quite nice. 

The two other lead actors, Alex and Olivia, stand out. The three of them play close friends that end up in some weird love triangle. They spend most of the time on set together, and Jared starts hanging with them during the day, since they are the only ones not working. Sometimes they just sit around drinking coffee, complaining about the tough emotions they needed to display. Other times they practise their lines. 

Jared finds himself opening up to Olivia. When he tells Jensen, the other man jokes that Jared could never make a movie without making at least a few friends. Jared just smiles in response. 

“So how are you going to prepare for tomorrow?” Olivia asks sipping on her coffee.

They had found this small coffee shop around the corner from their set and the past week they had been meeting there every day for lunch.

“What do you mean?”

“All the crying and screaming,” Olivia says, making a face.

She had told Jared before how much she hates such emotional scenes because she always carries it with her some time after they’re done. Jared had told her that sometimes he feels the same; it was one of the things they’d bonded over. 

“’I’m sleeping over at Jensen’s. No way can I be sad when I sleep next to my boyfriend.”

“I believe that. There is no way I could be sad if I got to wake up next to a glorious specimen of man like your boyfriend,” Olivia says with a sigh.

Jared laughs. When Jared told her he was gay and had a boyfriend, she had confessed she once had the biggest crush on Jensen when he was on Dawson’s Creek. Jared had tried to tease her about it, but it backfired: she told him that the next best thing to having Jensen was imaging both he and Jensen in bed. 

“God don’t remind me,” Jared groans. “I haven’t seen him for over a week. I love being an actor but sometimes...” 

Olivia pats him consolingly. “I get it. Honestly, I don’t even know why we’re having night shoots.” Then she thinks about it and continues, “or location shoots for that matter.”

Jared snorts. “Big ass budget.”

Olivia smiles at him. “Well it pays our bills, right?”

Jared nods and looks at his watch. “Come on Liv, we need to go. I told make up I’d be there at four.”

They walk out of the coffee shop, ready to start another night of working. 

 

***

It’s the end of the day and Jensen is watching the dailies in his trailer. He loves the way this movie is coming together . Joseph’s acting had been spot-on and the kid playing his little brother was pretty decent. It meant that it usually only took two or three takes to get the scene. 

Today had been a bit different though. They were shooting an emotional scene and the kid had trouble with getting his lines right. Jensen couldn’t blame him. 

“So how does it look on screen?” Joseph asks as he walks into the trailer. 

Jensen shrugs. He hasn’t made up his mind yet. “The emotion is right, but you just can’t understand a thing the kid says.”

Joseph hums sitting next to him. “What if you let me repeat the lines, like I want to confirm I heard them right? Kid nods and we have a scene.”

Jensen looks up at the other man. It’s a brilliant idea, and Joseph blushes when he says as much. 

“What are you still doing here anyway?” Jensen asks and Joseph shrugs.

“I could ask you the same question,” Joseph says.

“My boyfriend is doing night shoot so I actually have nothing better to do.”

Joseph smiles. “Well a perfect chance to take me up on that beer I promised.”

Jensen grins before agreeing. They end up at a small bar near the set and Jensen finds himself actually enjoying spending time with his co-worker. At the end of the night, they’re both in a booth talking about their previous acting experience. 

“I’m happy I made enough money with Third Rock From The Sun. Now I get to pick what I want to do.”

Jensen grimaces. “I wish.” 

“Why man? I loved you on Dawson’s Creek.”

 

***

Jared loves Misha. He’s happy that the other man called asking to hang out. Misha is one of the few people who are friends with both him and Jensen, and it means that they can hang out without any awkwardness. 

Jared was reluctant to take Jensen with him when he went out with Chad. And he knew that Jensen felt the same around Chris and Steve. With Misha, they could practice being a couple in front of friends. After tonight, maybe he could talk Jensen into taking him to one of Chris’s show. He always liked those.

“Hey Jared, Jensen, good to see you guys! How’s life?” Misha asks and hugs both of them.

Jared smiles down at Misha, happy the other man had chosen a quiet restaurant and there were hardly any people around. And his hand blindly reaches for Jensen’s. Misha follows the movement with a frown on his face until he connects the dots.

“Wait, what? Are you two?” Misha asks, pointing between the two of them.

Jensen smiles and leads them both to a small booth at the corner of the bar.

“If you mean gay, happy, dating each other,” he says when they sit down, “then yes, Misha, we are.”

“I knew it! There was too much chemistry between the two of you for it to be platonic. I mean I kind of believed it when you both claimed to be straight. But when you both came out, hmm,” Misha says with a grin, “Oh man this is so great! We can go on double dates. I bet Vicky would just love that!” 

Jared leans back, content in the moment. He had been a little bit afraid of Misha’s reaction and the question he might ask. He had been full of questions when Jared first came out, and had even suggested that he should ask Jensen out. It had been a bit uncomfortable. Jared is enjoying this coming out more. He loves that Misha is this enthusiastic about their relationship. 

Jensen throws his head back and laughs. “Yeah maybe that would be nice, don’t you think so Jay?”

Jared nods, startling a bit when Jensen’s hand finds his thigh.

“So tell me how long have you two been together?” Misha asks.

And Jared starts telling Misha about the movie premier and seeing Jensen after such a long time. Jensen sometimes put in a word or two, to give his view on things. They tell it as if it’s all new to them; they had agreed on that.

After a couple beers they all are more relaxed and are talking amicably. Jensen is leaning into his personal space more than usual. 

“So when are you going to make it public?” Misha asks and Jared freezes.

He has been thinking about that. If they really want to give this a chance, they have to make it public, eventually. Jensen must feel his discomfort because he pulls Jared closer, causing him to almost sit in his lap.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I mean, I don’t want to hide, but..,” he says and looks at Jared for confirmation. Jared nods.

“If someone sees us then they do, but we’re not ready to make a big thing about it yet,” Jared adds.

It might be strange to have this talk now, with Misha to witness. But Jared is glad that they are both thinking along the same line. 

At the end of the night, Jensen and Jared bump into each other as they walk out of the bar and giggle at every stupid joke Misha makes. The liquor has made them both more relaxed, but it also results in them being unable to keep their hands off each other. They share soft kisses every couple of steps.

“You guys are awesome,” Misha says after they break apart for what seems like the millionth time. 

Misha takes the first cab, saying they can keep each other company. That leaves them standing outside the bar waiting for theirs. They can’t help but stand close each other, cuddled together. 

“I had a great time tonight,” Jared whispers.

Jensen nods. “Yeah me too,” he says and sighs. “I was afraid of telling Misha about us though. You know? And he was right about the publicity thing. I hadn’t even thought of that.”

“Me neither,” Jared says, kissing Jensen softly, “but I agree with what you said. Let’s not overthink it and just go with the flow. It seems to be working.”

Jensen groans and pulls Jared closer to deepen the kiss. They stand there, kissing on the street, and neither of them cares who sees. 

They jump apart when the taxi arrives.

“So,” Jared says when they’re seated in the taxi, “when are we meeting up with Chris and Steve?”

***

“Hey babe,” Jensen says when he opens the door to see Jared standing there.

“Hey Jen,” Jared says and walks into the house, dripping wet. “It’s raining out. I brought Sadie and Tiny with me, so I hope you don't mind.”

Jensen smiles when the two dogs come into the room. He’s getting used to having animals in the house. When Jared first took him to meet the dogs he was kind of nervous. He knows it sounds crazy, but he knew Jared values his dogs’ instincts. Usually, if the dogs don't like someone, Jared doesn't either. But Jensen's worry was for nothing, because Sadie still remembered him and Tiny just followed Sadie's lead.

Jensen pet both dogs, hugging them close for minute, before standing up and kissing his boyfriend.

“You have to explain this to me again. Why did you call Saint-Bernard/ boxer mix ‘Tiny’?”

“Well, you remember when Cliff played that prisoner on Supernatural?” Jared asks and at Jensen's nod he continues. “Well his character was named Tiny, this little guy reminded me of him.” He hugged the dog close.

“Oh, by the way, Chris and Steve called,” Jensen says. “We're having dinner with them tonight.” Jensen knows his boyfriend wants to get re-acquainted with all Jensen's friends. 

Jensen had not kept in contact with his friends from his time on Supernatural. After their split, when he and Jared hadn’t been speaking, Jensen had begun to distance himself from everyone. He wouldn’t make their friends choose. Soon enough, he feared, the truth would emerge, about his orientation, about his relationship failures. He would have lost them anyway. And Jared would have ended up hurt. Again. Jensen’s fault. And Jared hadn’t deserved that.

Of all his friends, Chris and Steve had refused to be pushed away, and even now they remained extremely protective of Jensen. If he and Jared were giving out weird vibes tonight, Chris would be all over it, making sure Jensen was happy. 

“Jensen! Couldn't you have told me earlier? I don't have any spare clothes with me; I was expecting just to hang out in front of the TV.”

“Oh come on Jay, you know Chris isn't the kind to go to a fancy restaurant. What you’re wearing is fine.”

“That's so not the issue here, Jen,” Jared huffs.

Jensen looks at his boyfriend until he figured it out. “Oh! You want to make a good impression. That's so cute.” 

Jensen pulls Jared down to the couch and into a deep kiss. He settles them both so that they comfortable. Chris and Steve aren't going to come over for a couple of hours. And Jensen wants to begin their weekend together with some cuddling on the couch and maybe some making out. 

Jared glares at him.

“You're really worried about this?” Jensen asks in surprise.

“Kind of.”

He had not expected Jared to be insecure about meeting his friends for the first time—again. Jensen is afraid to meet Chad, but that’s logical; Jensen was the one who hurt Jared, who fucked up. Jared had done nothing wrong. Jensen knows that Chris will protect him no matter what, even against Jared, but it doesn't matter; Jensen loves Jared and there is no way he would give this up again.

“Well don't be. I love you and there is nothing Chris or Steve can do about it,” Jensen says, not wanting to waste any more time on this discussion.

“Would they want to?” Jared asks.

Jensen sighs and knows he said the wrong thing. Chris and Steve would be wrong if they thought they’d need to protect Jensen from his feelings for Jared. If anything, they need to help Jensen make things up to Jared. Jensen told them to be on their best behavior.   
Jensen takes Jared’s hand before kissing the top of his head softly. “Doesn’t matter,” he says. What matters is that I love you. Don’t worry about it.”

Jared smiles and looks Jensen in the eye. “Okay,” he says, although he doesn’t sound convinced.

Jensen decides to let it slide. He’ll prove to Jared that there is no reason to be afraid.

 

***

Of course Jared is nervous about seeing Chris and Steve again. Both of them are good friends of Jensen. If there is someone in Jensen's life who knows what happened between him and Jensen, it will be Chris. 

It makes things weird for him. On the one hand, he is happy Jensen has someone in his life who will always be there for him; on the other hand, there is no doubt that Chris will always and forever choose Jensen's side. Even though Jensen had been in the wrong. 

Jared doesn’t want things to be weird, but with the way Chris has been staring at him, from the moment he walked into the bar, it seems he's asked for too much.

“So Jared,” Steve says, when Chris and Jensen leave to get more beer. 

Jared looks at the gentle man and is thankful that Steve is the one to break the ice.

“I heard you've been making some awesome movies. I'm sorry I didn't really see them man. I have too little time,” Steve says smiling softly.

Jared grins, nods, and starts telling Steve about his current project, happy to have something to talk about. He is more relaxed and is talking miles a minute when Jensen and Chris return.  
Jensen snuggles up to Jared as he slides back into the booth. 

“So what are you two talking about?” Chris asks, glaring at Jensen’s arm around Jared’s shoulders.

Steve ignores Chris’s question and starts telling Jared about his latest gig. Jared listens politely and decides to ignore Chris’s glare when he puts his hand on Jensen's thigh.

They both trip over their own feet and giggle softly when they go home that night, already having made plans to meet up with Chris and Steve for dinner the next day. Jared figures Jensen doesn't see his friends that often. Most of the awkwardness has disappeared, though that may be due to the alcohol. 

“So,” Jensen says when they get to Jared's apartment, “that wasn't so bad, was it?”

Jared smiles, and pulls his boyfriend inside. “Well, it has been an almost perfect night,” he says before kissing Jensen.

Jensen grins against his lips. “I think I know how I can make it completely perfect,” he whispers and takes Jared towards the bedroom. 

Jensen is the only one who had ever made Jared feel like this: frantic and needy. Jared pushes and pulls at Jensen's clothes, not getting anywhere until Jensen laughs and pushes him back a little. Jensen growls when Jared starts unbuttoning his shirt. When the shirt is off, Jensen leans down and licks a stripe across Jared’s chest, sucking a hickey above the right nipple. 

“Fuck Jen,” Jared mumbles as he pushes Jensen to sit on the bed and drops to the floor between Jensen's legs. His mouth waters as he looks at the bulge in Jensen's pants. He’s desperate for Jensen's cock, and wants to hear him moan. It’s different from the first time they did this, and Jared knows it’s because he is more secure and is able to finally have what he had always wanted from Jensen.

Jensen's hands find the back of his head when Jared pulls down Jensen's boxers and starts mouthing at his cock. Jensen begins fucking into his mouth gently, and Jared just closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. He wants to swallow Jensen down, to enjoy every last drop of him. He wants Jensen to be entirely his.

Jensen cursed and gently pushed him away. “I want......can I?” he asked, pulling Jared up on the bed.

Jared would object to being manhandled like a little girl, if it wasn’t turning him on so much. Jensen moves to lie between his legs and tucks his cock against Jared's boxer-clad ass. Jared feels Jensen's precome seep through the material and moans. 

“Fuck me,” he whispers, and Jensen moves to pull off his boxers. 

"That's what I was planning, babe," Jensen whispers back before sealing his mouth over Jared's in a slow, wet kiss. 

Jensen pushes his cock against Jared's hole, not pressing in but just feeling. Jared moans into the kiss. He wants Jensen inside him. He wants to feel the other man fill him up and make him lose it. 

“Please Jen,” he begs, as Jensen kisses a trail along Jared's neck. 

“Yeah, yeah, need to get you ready first,” Jensen whispers, his finger circling Jared's hole. 

He slowly pushes inside as he kisses his way down Jared's body. He licks past the muscles of his stomach, over his cock down his balls until he reaches Jared's hole. Jared twitches in anticipation as Jensen's tongue starts moving towards the finger in his ass. When he feels the first wet lap at his hole, he lets out a sharp cry and pushes down on Jensen's finger, needing more. 

“Please Jen,” Jared moans.

Jensen shushes him softly, moving up to get the lube out of his night stand. He keeps on licking Jared even as he adds lube. After that it doesn’t take long before Jared is desperate with need and has three fingers up his ass.

“More Jen, need you. Need your cock,” he moans, and pulls Jensen until the other man is on top of him again, with Jensen’s cock rubbing— almost entering—his ass. Precome slicks up his hole even more. 

Jared grabs frantically at Jensen's shoulders, and a low moan escapes his throat as the other man enters him. It burns and hurts a little but it all fades quickly and leaves only the feeling of Jensen: Jensen inside him, Jensen making love to him, Jensen whispering sweet nothings in his ear mixed with the occasional moan or grunt. 

Jensen takes his time, moving inside Jared slowly. It makes Jared feel utterly loved and he closes his eyes against the emotions. Reduced to whimpering, words no longer make it out of Jared’s throat as Jensen picks up the pace. His hands find Jensen's ass in an attempt to get him to move faster, harder, deeper. Jared moans as Jensen complies. 

“God, babe, you feel so good,” Jensen whimpers.

Jensen fucks into him with hard punishing thrusts, every single one of them aimed for Jared's prostate. Jared feels the pressure build in his stomach, his ball tighten and he knows he’s close. Jensen strokes his head and Jared opens his eyes, looking straight into Jensen's. The other mans eyes shine with love and affection. Before he realizes what is happening, Jared comes all over himself and moves shakily against Jensen's body. He floats on the thin line between pain and pleasure when he hears Jensen groan. Jensen speeds up his thrusts and comes in thick spurts inside him. 

Jensen collapses mostly on top of him, and his breath pants hot on Jared's neck. Jared runs a soothing hand over Jensen back as both of them try to catch their breath. 

“You're right,” Jared says when Jensen gets his breath back, “perfect night.”  
 


	4. Chapter 4

After Jared had falls asleep, Jensen lies awake and thinks about how lucky he is. Jensen had never though he could have this again: have Jared back in his life and completely his. Jensen wonders what made Jared forgive him, but he figures it doesn't matter because he has never been happier. He smiles softly as Jared slowly opens his eyes.

“Hey,” he says, and reaches out to caress his boyfriend's hair.

Jared smiles and leans in for a kiss. Jensen concludes that life is pretty awesome right now. 

They see each other almost every day now, and most of the time they end up sleeping at each other’s house. After six months of being back together, Jensen wonders if it's too soon to ask Jared to move in with him. The question has been on his mind for a while now, but he is simply too afraid to ask. 

There are times that this thing between them still feels too fragile, and Jensen is afraid that if he makes one wrong move he will lose Jared all over again. He already fucked-up once, and he doesn't think Jared will give him a third chance. 

“Good morning,” Jared whispers “I have to go walk the dogs.” He climbs out of bed.

Jensen moves to join him. He would have liked to stay in bed with Jared, and enjoy each other for a little while longer, but the dogs need a walk. Jared stops him with a hand on his chest and a kiss on his lips.

“You stay in bed, I'll be right back,” he whispers before leaving the room.

Jensen doesn't stay in bed though, and plans to surprise his boyfriend with a nice Sunday morning breakfast. He starts making pancake batter and whistles a soft tune to himself.

He usually hates getting out of bed early but it's worth it when he sees the smile on Jared's face when he walks up and notices the table Jensen had set for them.

“I thought you weren't a morning person,” Jared says with a smile, after he gives Jensen a deep kiss. 

“Things change,” Jensen says then adds, “I wanted to surprise you.”   
“Well you did, it smells great!” Jared says. He sits down and picks up his script.

Jensen smiles to himself. It used to be all about the stolen moments and about keeping things between them a secret. He had been so afraid of his career and about what other people would thing. Most of all, he had feared what his parents would think.

But, being here with Jared, like this? It all seems so long ago and important. Sure things between them were still new and they were still figuring things out, but here he was, enjoying a Sunday morning breakfast, which is something he thought he'd lost.

“I can't believe the weekend is over. I have to go back to set tomorrow.” 

“Did you manage to study all your lines?” Jensen asks and raises both eyebrows.

“Did you prepare for the scenes you're going to shoot?” Jared asks, and that soft smile is back.

Jensen sighs, he hadn't prepared and it has been like this for the past two months. Every Saturday he spends with Jared is dedicated to him exclusively. And every Sunday it results in spending the whole day in the living room preparing for work, with Jared studying his lines beside him.

***

A few months later they become insanely busy. Jared had hoped for time with Jensen once their projects were done, but he had forgotten about the promotional tours. Jensen and he sometimes ended on opposite sides or the country, and occasionally on opposite sides of the world. Jensen started in Europe first and will end his tour in the US. He was nominated for several awards and the producers think he has a better chance of winning if the promotional tour is fresh in the minds of the judges. Unfortunately, the producers of Jared’s film are doing the exact opposite, starting in USA and ending in Europe. 

Jared gets tired of playing phone tag after a week. Every time he calls Jensen, the other man can't pick up the phone, and Jared is busy whenever Jensen calls back. Jared knows it’s because of the time difference and their busy schedules, but he can’t help think back to another time when Jensen was too busy with Danneel to make time for him. Jared knows he’s going to go crazy if he doesn’t get any distraction soon, so he's happy Olivia is there to keep him company and, to take his mind of off his worries. 

“I still can’t believe Ellen was flirting with you!” Olivia says as they enter his hotel room. 

They’re just coming back from an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, who was indeed flirting with Jared. 

“I can’t help that I’m hotter than you,” Jared jokes as they both sit down on the bed. “Hey Liv, thank you for deflecting that dating question for me.”

Olivia settles next to him flipping on the TV, “that’s quite alright Padawan, now order me room service, bitch.”

Jared shakes his head. Seriously, she’s like a female version of Chad sometimes. She had proved to be a real friend, and he was happy she would be with him for all of the interviews they had planned. She and Jared made a little pact: she would deflect all dating questions, and he would talk through the interview whenever her ex-boyfriend came up. 

It had worked great so far, and Jared actually found himself looking forward to their trip to Europe, even if it meant more time away from his boyfriend. 

***

The first thing Jensen does when he get back in LA is pick up Jared's dogs. He still needs to do a couple more interviews and he should rest a bit. But he has missed home, and missed his boyfriend even more. Since Jared is currently in Europe doing a promotional tour, Jensen thinks the dogs might be nice company.

He had wanted to check with Jared before he takes the dogs, but he has a hard time getting in touch with the other man. This makes Jensen worry even more. He feels Jared is using their time apart to pull away from him. He has no idea what to do about it, and is afraid to ask Jared.

He figures that since Jared is currently several thousand miles away from him, he will have to wait until he comes home to talk this out. 

When Jensen walks into his house, dogs in tow, he's happily surprised that his housekeeper stopped by. She has cleaned the house and filled the fridge, despite that fact Jensen had forgotten to call her.

He's about to sit down with a beer when his phone rings. 

“Hey Jason,” he greets, with a smile on his face. 

Having been busy with both work and Jared, he hasn't talked to Jason for some time, but, now that he is back in LA and has nothing to do, it seems like a nice idea to meet up with his friend.

“Hey, you home?” 

“Yeah.”

“Good then open your door,” Jason says.

Jensen does and is greeted with hug from his friend.

“Jensen! How are you? How did the promotion bit go? I hear great things about this movie of yours.”

Jensen breaks away, smiling, Jason is always running his mouth like that. Much like Jared. After the years of Supernatural, with Jared distracting the cameras, he sometimes still misses the buffer between him and the press. 

“You know how the promotions are. God I hate those things! And they asked me the dating question. I have no idea how to answer those!” Jensen says, waving his arms around a bit spastically. 

Jason just smiles, steals Jensen beer, and sits down on the couch. Jensen scowls, his little rant forgotten, and goes to the kitchen to get another beer.

“Well at least this time you might get an award out of it,” Jason says when Jensen walks back into the living room, “I mean other that a PCA.”

Jensen just nods, sitting down again. The moment his ass hits the couch, Tiny tries to crawl into his lap. Jensen just pets the dog and tries to get him to stop, which just makes Tiny more determined to be a lap dog.

“You know, I didn't think Jared could get a bigger dog than Harley,” Jason comments.

“Well guess he proved you wrong.”

Jason just ignores Jensen and starts telling him about his plans, before he segued into how drunk he got with Chris and Steve. Jensen tells a couple stories of his own. Both are laughing their ass off, and then the topic of Jared's interview with Ellen comes up. 

“You know what is weird,” Jason says when he's done laughing, and Jensen just looks at him, “how not weird it is that Jared and you are dating, you know?”

Jensen does; it has been kind of weird. All his friends just picked up where they had left off, before Jared left Jensen's life. The only thing different now is that sometimes he and Jared kiss in front of them. Jensen frowns— most of his friends accept it. Chris and Steve are still a bit weird, but Jensen can understand their protectiveness.

“Yeah.” Jensen just smiles a little. 

He enjoys his rest of the night watching bit of television with Jason. They drink a couple of beers, and Jensen promises to call Jason for a boy’s night out when Jared is back in town. He goes to sleep happy that night, not even worried about tomorrow’s interview.

***

“Hey Jen,” Jared says, walking into the apartment.

They had exchanged keys after their five month anniversary. At first they both had been kind of nervous about it. If Jared was honest with himself, he is still nervous about it now. Despite that, Jared loves that they are moving forward. It is clear to him how different their relationship is from how it was before.

Jensen comes walking out of the kitchen with a large smile on his face. He rushes towards Jared and kisses him deeply. Jared has missed his boyfriend like crazy; they've been out of touch the past couple of weeks. 

“Missed you,” Jared says against his lips. 

“How was Europe?” Jensen asks, pulling Jared towards the kitchen.

“Big. What are you making?” Jared asks when they enter the kitchen, and Jensen returns to the stove.

Jared never realized how hard it is to be away from home for such a long time, and how lonely it is. He just misses Jensen, and now all he wants is to spend the next couple of hours on the couch cuddling with his boyfriend. 

“A welcome home dinner. I still don't understand why you didn't want me to pick you up from the airport.” 

“Oh babe, you didn't have to do that,” Jared says and kisses Jensen again. “Beside I had to go drop of something at my apartment.” Jensen turns back to the stove as Jared sits down to pet Sadie, who walked up to him in greeting.

Jared had been happily surprised when Jensen told him that he picked up the dogs already. He wanted to go to Jensen's straight from the airport, but he had gotten scared. With him and Jensen not talking much the past few days, he worried about their relationship. He just doesn't know how to talk to Jensen about this. 

It may be unfair but he can't forget all the times Jensen dismissed him when he wanted to talk about things between them. When Jensen was with Danneel, Jared’s feelings didn’t really matter (at least it felt that way to him). He is afraid of the same dismissal when he talks about his feeling this time, even though it's clear to him the situation is completely different. 

“I missed you,” Jared says again. 

Jensen sighs, walks over to him, and sits on his lap. “We should think about coming out to the public. I mean, tell them we're dating. Everybody already knows we're gay. And our friends just took it in stride. I was talking to Jason about it the other day and he even said so. And if the world knew about us, we could do these kinds of things together.”

Jared smiles softly and pull Jensen closer. “Maybe. We should make it classy though. Maybe call Sera have her write a script. You know she'd be up for that.”

Jensen snorts into Jared's neck before mumbling, “You know that’s going to be all porny right?”

Jared just pulls Jensen closer, he doesn't want to talk about it anymore; he just wants to enjoy his time with Jensen. 

***

Jensen grins and watches Jared move around in the kitchen. Jared insisted on inviting over his co-stars and to make them dinner. He wanted Jensen to meet his new friends. 

“So are they bringing their boyfriends or girlfriends?” Jensen asks as he’s setting the table. 

“Nah, they’re both single. Set the table for four,” Jared answers without taking his eyes from the pot on the stove.

Jensen smiles and walks over to gently kiss his boyfriend. It is obvious Jared wants to make a good impression on his friends. Jensen doesn’t think Jared needs to try so hard. Just when Jensen has placed the last plate the doorbell rings. 

“I’ll get it,” Jensen says, before he opens the door. 

“You must be Olivia,” he says to the blonde girl standing in front of him, and to the guy, “and you’re Alex. I’m Jensen,” he says, shaking both their hands.

The girl winks at him before she rushes into the kitchen saying, “Oh my god, Jared, your boyfriend is even hotter in person!”

Jensen doesn’t hear Jared’s reply, but both of them dissolve into laughing so it must have been good. He looks at Alex who just smiles before walking into the house.

“They’re always like that,” Alex says as he hangs up his coat. “It can be exhausting at times.”

Watching Jared and Olivia together in the kitchen reminded Jensen of the three episodes of Supernatural that Jake Abel had done. Jared and Jake would pull prank after prank until even Jensen got sick of it. He almost pities Alex for having to work with Jared and Olivia if that’s the case. 

“Luckily this time you have good wine and a calming presence, and I can’t speak for Olivia, but Jared will calm considerably after a glass or two,” Jensen says with a wink and pulls out said bottle of wine.

Jensen feels uncomfortable at first, as he usually is with people he doesn’t know. After his second glass of wine, he starts to loosen up and instead of just listening to Jared interacting with his new friends, Jensen joins in. When they’re done eating, Jensen is fully relaxed and is telling stories of his own.

“I still can’t believe you worked with Joseph Gordon Levitt,” Olivia says after Jensen finishes telling about a prank the other man pulled on him. “He’s hot!”

“I can’t believe he actually did that,” Jared says, pouting. “I thought I was the best!”

“Well baby,” Jensen says, intending to say Jared was the best he’s ever had, but Alex quickly interrupts him. 

“Okay, I’m nipping this in the bud,” he says, able to see where this is going. “Come Liv, I think it’s time to leave the love birds alone.”

“Ahh booo,” Liv pouts but stands up to get her handbag anyway, and when she’s saying goodbye to Jensen she says, “Please invite me when you have your co-workers over. I desperately want to meet Joseph.”

Jensen smiles and says goodbye to the two of them. When they’re gone Jared pulls him close and kisses him deeply. 

“I had a great night,” he whispers.

“Me too,” Jensen says and smiles.

***

Jared takes Jensen to his favourite restaurant as a small thank you for being an awesome boyfriend. They both had been so busy lately it was nice to go on a date just the two of them.

“You’re going to love it,” Jared says as they walk into the restaurant. “After I moved back here from Vancouver, it took me ages to find a new favourite restaurant. I mean the one in Canada was just so good! But this one, Jen, their steak is like heaven.”

Jensen smiles a little when Jared finished rambling, and he squeezes Jared’s hand. “Heavenly steak, now this I gotta try.” 

Jared smirks at him when they get to the table, “You can always try the salad.”

“Why do you have to be like that?” Jensen asks and makes a face.

Jared watches the waiter check Jensen out when he gives them the menu, but Jensen only has eyes for him. Jensen doesn’t even look at the menu. Jared orders a bottle of wine and the waiter leaves. 

“So tell me how you found this restaurant. I mean, I didn’t know about it,” Jensen asks, placing his hand on top of Jared’s.

Jared grins before explaining that Chad lived nearby and that one day he’d had a fight with Kenzie, who had proceeded to kick him out. When Jared had come to pick him up, after Chad had called, he had forgotten his keys. 

“It was June, so I was sweating buckets. Chad and I just went into the first public place we saw, which was this restaurant. After lunch, Chad called McKenzie and they made up.” Jared just finishes the story when the waiter arrives to take their order.

“So I guess I have to thank Chad for this supposedly awesome steak I’m going to eat,” Jensen says when the waiter leaves.

“Him and Kenzie,” Jared teases. “Now eat your steak or else I’m going to eat yours too and then you’ll spend the rest of your live wondering: was that steak really as good as Jared said.” 

They make comfortable conversation until their food arrives. Then they eat in companionable silence. When Jensen sits back after dinner, declaring it was the best steak he had outside of Texas, Jared just smirks at him.

Jared is content, when he gets home and crawls in bed with Jensen. He shuffles close to Jensen and plasters himself to the man’s side.

“I love you,” Jensen whispers into his hair.

“Love you,” Jared replies. He falls asleep with smile on his face.

***

“I think we should move in together,” Jensen says.

Jared looks at Jensen like he has grown a third head. Of course, Jared is on his knees between Jensen's legs and is unbuttoning his jeans. So maybe Jensen’s timing is a bit off, but the question has been on his mind for a while now. Jensen can't remember the last time Jared spend the night at his own apartment. Hell even the dogs haven't left since Jensen got them from the kennel. It seems like a natural transition. 

“Seriously, Jen?” Jared asks. He gets off his knees and sits on the couch. 

Jensen sighs, “I'm sorry. It's too soon. I shouldn't have asked.”

Jared laughs, “I'm about to blow you, and you ask me to move in. Babe normally those kinds of questions come after you have.”

Jensen scowls. “Stop trying to be funny!”

Jensen tries to shake it off, tries to ignore the fact that Jared hadn't answered. He gets up to get some water from the kitchen. His relaxed state had disappeared the moment he opened his big mouth.

“Jen,” Jared says and grabs his wrist.

“Never mind Jay, it wasn't the smartest idea anyway.”

“No, Jen,” Jared says, pulling Jensen back to the couch and crawling onto his lap.

Jensen thinks he does it to prevent him from walking away—not that he minds.

“You want to move in together?” Jared asks and cuddles close to him.

Jensen shifts, wraps both arms around Jared and takes comfort in his boyfriend’s arms. 

“I was thinking about it, yeah,” he says shyly.

Jared starts kissing his neck, sucking softly on his pulse point. Jensen feels himself growing less interested in talking about moving in together and more interested in what they’re doing. 

“We should,” Jared says. “I mean, I will keep the lease on my place though, just for a while. But me and the dogs have been here most of the time anyway. Why not move all of my stuff in here.”

“Why keep your own place?” Jensen asks.

“Just until we tell the public, we still have to decide how and when we do that,” Jared answers solemnly.

Jensen feels his giddy, happy that they are finally talking about this seriously. But Jared is kissing him deeply before he can ask just when, precisely, they are going to come out. He wants to protest but, when Jared pushes him down on the couch, Jensen has mostly forgotten what they had talked about.

Jared starts kissing his way down Jensen's body and pulls his clothes out of the way. Jensen lets his head fall back against the couch, moaning softly as his fingers find Jared's hair. 

“Now where were we,” he says, grinning up at Jensen as he finds his way back between his legs.

***

The funniest thing Jared has ever seen is Chad trying to lift a salon table and wobble out of his apartment. Jared knew he shouldn't laugh at his friend, seeing as he was currently helping him move most of his stuff, but he can't help himself. Jared is leaving some things behind since not everything fit in Jensen's apartment. They had decided to trade off some of the furniture, so they both had an influence on how the place looked. Jared had been happy when Jensen suggested it, but unfortunately it did mean that they had to make two trips. 

“So Jensen wasn't able to come and help?” Chad asks after they shoved the salon table into the van they rented. 

That was actually Jared's fault. Jensen had wanted to help, but he was busy with some left over work stuff for his movie. This had meant he wouldn’t have time to help with the move for another two weeks. Jared wants to do it by himself, anyway; it gives him some time to think. He doesn’t want Jensen to think he’s having second thoughts but moving is a big step for him and he isn’t really sure it’s what he wants. 

“He was busy with work. I tried calling Adam but he couldn't make it. I know it was all very last minute,” Jared says with a shrug before walking back into his apartment. 

“Well it makes sense. The two of you have been together for a while now. So are you going to sublet this place? Cause I might know a guy...” Chad says.

Jared has been thinking about it. But he doesn't want any press to get wind of this. Moving during the day may not have been the best way to keep things a secret Jared realizes. 

“I don't know yet. I'll talk to Jensen about it.”

Chad chuckles and says something about being pussywhiped. Jared just grins, knowing there isn't a thing Chad will do without consulting with Kenzie first.

“So do you have everything?” Chad asks when the van is almost full.

Jared nods, even though it didn't really matter; they will be back here to deposit some of Jensen things. Beside the most important things are already at Jensen's. 

“Yeah let's go.”

Jared smiles all the way back home, thinking about waking up next to Jensen every morning. Jensen is going to be done in about half an hour so maybe they could get some dinner with Kenzie and Chad. He hasn’t asked Jensen yet but he thinks his boyfriend will like some social interaction, after spending the whole day working.

“Hey Jay,” Chad says when they pull up to Jensen's apartment, “I'm really happy for you,”

Jared smiles. “Thanks Chad, now let's get the last things inside and get some beer.” 

***

Jensen decides to go out and celebrate the end of the promotion tour when he finishes his last interview. He’s so happy it’s over. Jared supports the idea and has invited all their friends.

“Hey, how is my favourite director?” Chris shouts in his ear before drooping all over his back.

Jensen pushes his friend away with a grin, before he orders a couple of beers for him and Jared. For once they don't have to think about their diet or work and they are well on their way to getting drunk. 

“You're boyfriend can't keep his eyes off you,” Chris says casually as Jensen waits for his beer.

“Yeah, and if you didn't insist on sitting between us the whole time, I bet he wouldn't be able to get his hands of me either,” Jensen says with a smirk.

“This exactly is the reason why I’m sitting between you two. I mean, Jared couldn't keep his hands of you before you were dating. I can't imagine how bad it now that the two of you are dating. Nobody wants to see that shit! We're here to have a good time,” Chris says, getting his own beer before walking back to the table they were sitting at.

“Hey Jen, Chad says I have been undressing you with my eyes,” Jared says as Jensen hands him his drink.

Jensen laughs, “I think Chad is projecting.”

Chad huffs and folds his arms in front of his chest. He kind of looks like a disgruntled hamster, and Jensen can't help but think about Alvin and the Chipmunks. When he starts thinking that Chris and Steve might be the other two chipmunks, and imagining the three of them singing and dancing, he decides to stop drinking. He obviously has had too much already. 

The whole group burst into laughter when Jared beats Chris to the chair next to Jensen, and steals a kiss.

“I think we should have sex in the bathroom,” Jared’s says, and he grins as Chris spews his beer all over the table. 

“I knew you two were kinky!” Jason says smacking his hand down on the table.

“Dude TMI!” Chad says.

Jensen sits back as Chris and Chad arguing about who is the kinkiest. Jared scoots up to him to lean his head on his shoulder. 

“You know what is funny,” Jensen asks after a while.

“What,” Jared asks, not taking his head of off Jensen’s shoulder. 

“They’re both wrong,” Jensen says. He nods toward Chad and Chris who are still arguing. “Jason is the kinkiest fucker I know.” 

Jared snorts. “I believe that when I see it.”

Jensen turns his head to give Jared a slow deep kiss. “Which you never will,” Jensen breathes against Jared's lips.

Jensen loves hanging out with his friends like this. He thinks that, for the first time in a long while, he's absolutely content with all his friends in the same room.


	5. Chapter 5

Five days before the Golden Nymph awards, Jensen asks Jared to go as his date. Jensen has been nominated in the category of “Outstanding Directing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic Special” and Jared knows it's a big deal for him. Jared says he needs to think about it; he had been expecting Jensen to ask him sooner. Jared suspects that Jensen waited this long to make sure this is what Jensen wants. So Jared thinks that Jensen can’t blame him for having doubts of his own.

Jensen accepts his non-answer and gives him time to think about it. He doesn't even pressure him as the date of the Golden Nymph gets closer. Jared knows it might be unfair to make Jensen wait this long but he just can't seem to make up his mind. 

“I don't know Jen,” Jared says, the day before they're meant to go. 

“What?” Jensen asks and sits down on the bed.

“I don't know if I'm ready to go with you in public yet. And, I mean, the Nymphs. Can't we do something more intimate?” 

Jensen sighs and pulls Jared down so that they are sitting side by side. “We talked about this.”

Jared groans. He knows deep down inside that Jensen is right. Jensen has brought up coming out many times and Jared always agreed with him. He knows that Jensen is ready for it. He just isn't sure he is.

“Come on, Jay, I really want to show you off. I want everyone to know you're taken and that I'm your man.” 

Jared sighs. He doesn't want to have this conversation, ever. He just leans in, closer to Jensen.

“Please Jen, I know you want that, but I'm not ready.”

Jensen sighs. “Okay, I'm going to do something risky here and ask you why? I mean I know this is the real thing and I think you know too.”

Fuck this. Jared doesn't need Jensen to act like a shrink. Jared never nagged like this back when he was the one trying to have a real relationship with Jensen. And this is more real than everything else they ever had. They are happy together, so Jared doesn't understand why Jensen is pushing this.

“I don't want to talk about it right now.”

“Come on Jay, that's not fair. Every time I try to move forward in this relationship you either don't want to talk about it or you half-ass it.”

Jared shakes his head, “Half-ass it?”

“Yeah, like moving in. Sure, you moved in, but you kept your place. And you keep almost all your stuff there. That's not moving in, that's sleeping over every night!”

Jared feels himself getting angry, and he knows Jensen is too. This is turning out to be a full-blown fight. He never expected that, and hadn't wanted this to happen. He doesn't want get into a fight, doesn't want to say things he doesn't mean. 

“I'm going to spend the night at my place,” Jared says, surprised at his own shouting. “I don't feel like sleeping over tonight.”

He is out of the door and in his car before he realizes it. He is shaking with emotions. That didn't go the way he wanted it to go. Fuck.

***

The moment the door slams, Jensen is up off the bed to chase Jared, but he changes his mind before he is out of the bedroom. He figures Jared might need some time to think things over, and maybe to cool off a bit. Jensen needs to do the same since he’s angry too.

Jensen feels sorry for even bringing it up. The last thing he wants to do is push Jared into doing something before he’s ready. He has to stop thinking about his own needs and worry about Jared’s first. 

He decides that he should apologize to Jared before it’s too late. He gets in his car to drive to Jared’s apartment, knowing the other man won’t pick up his phone when he’s this angry.

When he gets to the apartment and Jared isn’t there, Jensen starts to worry. He hasn’t pushed Jared away already, has he? 

Jensen wants to bang his head against the wall but decides against it. He goes back home, just in case Jared decides to come back.

 

When he opens the door, Tiny is there to greet him. He bumps up against Jensen demanding to be pet.

Jensen moves to pet the dog. “Well he left you behind, so at least he's coming back for you.” 

***

Jared doesn't go to his apartment after the fight with Jensen. He goes to someone he never expected. Chris opens the door and glares at him. 

“Jared,” he growls, “do you know how late it is?”

Jared shrugs. Maybe this wasn't the smartest move, going to Chris with his problems. But as far as he knows, Chris is the only one of their friends who knows their history. More important, Chris is the possibly only one who would take Jensen's side in all this. And Jared needed to try and see Jensen’s point of view. Jared has been thinking, while driving, and maybe Jensen had a point with what he had said before.

“Yeah,” Jared says. 

He kind of expected Chris to already know what went down. He had been sure Jensen would call the other man the moment Jared slammed the door. Okay, maybe he had hoped Jensen would chase him—but, yeah, maybe he was the one in the wrong this time. 

“Well are we just going to stand here or are you going to tell me what's up?” Chris asks impatiently. 

“Jensen and I had a fight,” Jared says. He doesn't think Chris would appreciate him beating around the bush.

Chris leans against the doorpost and smirks. “And you come here?”

“Well, yeah, are you going to let me in or what?” Jared asks. 

Chris steps aside, and both of them walk inside to sit on the couch. They sit there just staring at each other before Jared sighs and starts telling Chris about the fight, about the things Jensen accused him off, and about how he thought that maybe they might be true. 

“So let me get this straight, you’re insecure about your relationship and you come to me?”

“I'm not insecure,” Jared defends.

“I beg to differ. It's not unreasonable, but here's the thing: Jensen might have put on a brave face back then, but what happened between you two, it nearly broke him. And I know that most of it was his fault, but I wouldn't be much of a best friend if I wasn’t there for him anyway. I didn't think you getting back together was a good idea, because he still has this idea that he has to make up for that crap from years ago. I don’t think it’s a healthy base to start things on.”

Jared just gapes at Chris. He never expected the other man to be this insightful. Jared now understands why Jensen sees him as such a loyal friend. That doesn't mean Jared had to see the situation the same way.

“And you think it was just a walk in the park for me? Being the other person, knowing I was destroying his relationship with Danneel?” Jared asks, getting angry with Chris for defending Jensen.

Chris let out a long suffering sigh. “I think you should talk to Jensen about this.”

Jared nods, even though he doesn't want to. He knows what Chris is trying to tell him, and what Jensen told him before he stormed out of the house. He should stop letting his fear control him and his relationship with Jensen. But he can't just turn off fear. It isn't like he is afraid without reason. Jared wasn't over what had happened in the past, as much as he tells himself he is.

“Okay,” Jared says. he stands up and walks towards the door. 

Chris wasn't wrong when he said it was late. And Jared is tired. He figures he should go home and get some sleep before talking to Jensen. 

“Goodnight Chris,” Jared says, and adds when he gets to the door, “and thank you.”

***

Jensen stays on the couch waiting for Jared, despite the other man’s stated intention to spend the night at his own apartment. Jensen doesn't want to go to bed; he knows that he won't be able to sleep.

Maybe he is pushing Jared into going too fast. He has been so excited to have Jared as his boyfriend that he wants to do all the things they weren't able to do before. Jensen knows that Jared had wanted all those things, back then. But they couldn't because Jensen was afraid Danneel would find out. Jensen had been blind to how much he’d hurt Jared. He thought he had known what his life was supposed to be—or at least he’d known how he wanted to world to see it. Jared hadn't fit in that picture back then. 

Jensen had thought they were finally on the same page. Maybe he shouldn’t have waited until the last moment to ask Jared to the awards, but he also thought that going out in public was what Jared wanted. Apparently, he’s still blind to Jared’s concerns: he has to be the biggest asshole alive.

Jensen sighs, he is making himself crazy by over-thinking this. He can't change the past, no matter how much he wants to. 

When Jared walks in, Jensen is sitting there, staring at the TV and wondering how he can make this up to the other man.

“Jen?” Jared questions and Jensen looks up.

Jensen is up from the couch in front of Jared before he can blink, holding the other man close. He wants to apologize, wants to promise never to push Jared like that again. 

 

“Why did you come back?” Jensen whispers against Jared’s neck.

“I remember how much it hurt when you,” Jared stops and swallows loudly, “when you used to walk away from me like that. I promised myself I would never do that to another person.”

Jensen swallows thickly before looking up at his boyfriend. “Jared I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you. If you’re not ready then I should respect that. Sorry, I was being so selfish”

Jared pulls him closer again, “You’re okay with me not being ready to come out?” 

Jensen sighs, “I’ll wait for you to be ready. I love you so much, Jared.”

Jared nods. “I love you too. Let’s not fight about this again.”

Jensen is all too happy to make that promise.

***

Jared is still on the couch when he wakes up the next morning. Jensen is no longer next to him but before he can decide how he feels about it the other man starts talking. 

“Morning,” 

When Jared turns towards the voice he finds Jensen sitting on a chair across from the couch. He has a serious look on his face and the lines around his eyes have deepened.

“How long have you been up?” Jared asks with a frown.

Jensen shrugs. “Haven't slept much. I've done some thinking, about yesterday.”

Jared nods, he had been too tired to think last night. After his talk with Chris he had come home and all he had wanted to do was sleep. Now that the night is behind them, Jared thinks he can look at their issues more clearly.

“You're the only man I’ve ever been with,” Jensen says. It startles Jared out of his thoughts. 

Jared sits up, scrubs his hands over his face, and looks at Jensen, confused.

“Jensen, what?” Jared starts to asks, but Jensen stops him.

“Please, Jay, let me speak,” Jensen says and takes a deep breath. “You're the only man I've ever been with Jay. And still, I'm more than happy to identify myself as gay. Because I think you will be the only person I can ever really be happy with. So yeah I'm gay. Gay for you. Only I couldn't say that when I came out, because you hated me back then.”

Jared wants to object, to say that he never really hated Jensen. Sure there were times he wished he could hate him. Then he realizes what Jensen has just said. He never knew Jensen didn’t date. He had done his best to avoid any gossip about Jensen. Sure, he had heard about the other man coming out, because he had already been out and people asked if he and Jensen ever dated. But, other than that, he didn’t keep track of what Jensen did. He feels touched by what Jensen is telling him; he can’t believe he was the only man in Jensen’s life. It means a lot to him.

“Jay, I love you so much and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my live with you,” Jensen finishes.

After Jensen's done talking they both sit there staring at each other for a while before Jared gets up and walks towards Jensen. He sits on the other man’s lap, needing to be close to his boyfriend.

“I love you, so much,” Jared says.

Jensen's eyes get suspiciously glassy and Jared thinks for one moment the other man is actually going to cry, but then Jensen sighs and pulls him into a deep kiss.

They sit there, kissing and hugging each other, until Jensen jokes that his legs have fallen asleep and suggests that they get some breakfast.

***

Jensen spends the rest of the day resting and getting ready to walk the red carpet. He doesn't ask Jared to go as his date again. He knows that the other man isn't ready for that yet. He does think about it though: about how they should tell the public, their fans, that they are dating. It's on his mind for most of the day.

He stands in front of his mirror straightening his tie, and Jared watches him from his place on the bed. 

“You know,” Jared says, as he stands up and helps Jensen, “if they ask the dating question, maybe you should say that, yes, you are dating.”

Jared still sounds unsure but when Jensen turns to look him in the eye he looks determined.

“Yeah?” Jensen breathes, and feels something bright and happy bloom in his chest.

“Yeah, I mean I'm not,” Jared clears his throat, “I'm not sure about telling them about us. You could mention you are dating, but that the person you are dating is very private?”

Jensen's so happy that Jared is willing to make this concession that he wants to jump the man, right now. Unfortunately they don't have time; the limo should be there in a couple of minutes.

“Okay,” Jensen answers instead, “if they ask me, I will.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, then they'll start digging, guessing. Then it won't be such a shock when we come out later.”

Jensen pulls his boyfriend close, and knows he will be smiling the whole night thinking about the other man. This was the first time Jared has talked of coming out, without Jensen starting the conversation. It feels so good, after their row, last night.

“I have to go,” Jensen says, groaning when the doorbell rings.

“I'll be watching TV, rooting for you to win babe.” 

Jensen grins and gives Jared one last kiss before rushing towards the car waiting outside.

***

Chris calls halfway through the award show. The only thing Jared has seen is all the famous people going inside, after taking some time to talk to the reporters outside. They have just shown Jensen posing for some pictures with the cast of his movie. 

“So I'm guessing you two made up,” Chris says in lieu of greeting.

“How the fuck do you know that?” Jared asks, because there is no way Chris is that insightful.

“That grin on Jenny's face. There is only one person who can put it there.”

Okay, so maybe Chris is that insightful, Jared thinks.

“So that means you’re watching?” Jared asks.

He is only half paying attention to Chris. Jensen is on TV talking to a reporter. He is telling them about working with Joseph. 

“Yeah. He's my best friend, you know. I wanted to plan this whole party, but I figure we have to wait until he's home to join in.” Chris says, and Jared can hear his smirk. “You think he stands a chance?”

Jared nods, absentminded. He almost regrets not being there. Jensen looks great in his suit, and Jared can almost imagine himself hanging off his arm. It would be just like when there were still on Supernatural. 

“Jared?” Chris asks, and Jared realizes he is on the phone so Chris can't see his nod.

“Yeah,” Jared replies. “You know he's good at what he does.”

“Fuck yeah, he is. I think we should go out and celebrate tomorrow,” Chris says.

It sounds like he wants to add more but Jared shushes him. They are showing the nominations clips for best directors. That means it won't be long before they'll announce the winner and Jared doesn't want to miss that moment just because Chris has been yapping in his ear. 

He is completely focused on the television, as it shows the spilt screens when the winner is announced. He sees Jensen eyes widen when his name is called, and Jared sees the person next to him urge Jensen to get up. Jared grins. It's just like Jensen to sit there and take a moment to process things.

“Holy shit,” Chris says in his ear as Jensen makes his way to the stage, “holy shit he won!”

Jared grins. “Yeah.” 

Then they are both quiet when Jensen makes his acceptance speech. Jared gasps when Jensen thanks his boyfriend. Thanks him, even if he doesn't say any names. It makes him feel special. 

“So,” Chris says, after the big moment is over and Jared's heart is beating normally again, “celebration dinner tomorrow?”

“Sure, I'll call to tomorrow with the details.” Jared says, happy that he had someone to share this moment with, even if he would have preferred it to be Jensen.

“’Kay. Have fun waiting for Jensen to get home.”

***

Jensen can't believe he actually won. He had wanted to go home right after the award show but Joseph had convinced him to stay a bit. The other man had said it would be rude for the award winner to leave right away, and Jensen guessed he was right. So he spent the last hour drinking champagne and listening to people saying his next stop would be the Oscars. 

“So,” Joseph asks, as he sits down next to Jensen at the bar, “how does it feel to be an award-winning director?”

Jensen grins at the other man. 

He's pleasantly buzzed when he gets home, and the grin is still firmly in place. He can't wait to crawl into bed with Jared and to cuddle close. He had gotten a congratulatory text from Jared and a promise to celebrate the next day. So Jared couldn’t be too angry about him mentioning his boyfriend in his speech.

“Hey mister award-winner.” 

Jensen jumps as he's hanging up his coat. He hadn't expected Jared to be waiting up for him. But when he turns around his boyfriend is sitting on the couch with a bottle of champagne on the table in front of him. 

“Hey baby,” Jensen says. He walks over to his boyfriend and pushes him down on the couch.

Jensen lies down on top of him and kisses Jared deeply. He had missed Jared at the award show, and the moment he had heard he won, the first thing he had wanted to do was kiss Jared. Maybe it was a good thing Jared didn't come with him. 

“I thought maybe we could drink some champagne,” Jared says in between kisses, “but I think you've already have had enough.”

Jensen laughs and leans back. “Do you mind?”

Jared shakes his head, and pulls Jensen down for another kiss. “Nah, did you enjoy yourself?”

Jensen nods and he cuddles closer to Jared. “I was more nervous than I thought I would be,” he mumbles.

“I wish I wasn't such a coward and just went with you,” Jared says.

Jensen looks up at that, meeting Jared's eyes. The other man looks him seriously. 

“Maybe next time?” Jensen asks, hopeful.

“Yeah,” Jared answers with a soft smile, “now let's get you to bed. Chris wanted to take you out to dinner, tomorrow. Maybe we can invite Misha and Vicky?”

Jensen nods. “Chad and Kenzie too,” he says, yawning mid-sentence. “Man, I'm tired.”

Jensen feels his eyes droop and knows he's cross-eyed like, as he always gets when he's tired. Jared makes a soft noise before pulling Jensen closer. They fall asleep cuddled on the couch together.


	6. Chapter 6

Jared paces the room and clenches his fists. He has tried to sit and be rational but he is unable to do so. He is jittery and he keeps pacing, kicking the toy Tiny had left on the floor. He is nervous, frustrated and angry. He doesn’t know what he had expected after Jensen mentioned having a boyfriend to the press, but it certainly wasn’t this.

Jared reaches the coffee table again, and glared down at the magazine on top of it. It shows a picture of two men, Jensen and Joseph, with the headline: “The new J2? Is this Jensen’s new boyfriend?”

Jared can’t help the snarl at the picture of his boyfriend—his boyfriend!—posing in front of the camera with the star from his latest film. Of course, the two of them are standing close together and smiling. Jared can tell that Jensen’s smile is genuine, despite the other man being in his personal space. It is obvious the two of them are comfortable with each other. 

“Fuck!” he shouts as he throws the magazine across the room.

He had wanted Jensen to mention him, but was afraid of what it would mean. He was afraid that he would get in too deep if everybody knew about them. Jared lets out a cynical laugh: he has been in way over his head from the moment he decided to let Jensen back into his life. This only proves it. Jared had gotten furious when he saw the photo at the news stand. He wasn’t really looking when he walked past the racks of magazines, until he caught a glimpse of Jensen. He had been curious and, when he took a closer look, he froze. He had expected it to be about the award, not speculation on who was the mystery boyfriend. When Jared saw the happy smiling photo of Jensen and Joseph he felt something snap. He bought the magazine, furious and ready to confront Jensen. 

He’s convinced that it’s like Danneel all over again. Jared had been good enough for the bedroom but Jensen had shown someone else off in front of the camera. 

He read the article on his way home. It talked about the two award-winners being perfect for each other. Joseph is a smart man and very artistic to top it off. Jared snorts bitterly; Joseph wouldn’t spend two year making actions movies. No, of course not. Joseph did the Sundance crap, and didn’t want to sell himself short. Jensen had done “Ten Inch Hero” for the same reason. It was the reason why Jensen had fallen for Danneel. Of course, the two seem perfect together. Jensen is obviously too good for a loud Neanderthal like Jared.

He does realize, deep down, that he is being unreasonable, that he has asked Jensen to wait. His boyfriend has been eager to make things public, but Jared hasn’t been ready yet. Stupid. 

He picks up his cell phone, needing some distraction.

“Jay,” Olivia says when she picks up the phone, “what’s up?”

Jared takes a deep breath. He could have called Chad but the other man knows that there is a history between Jensen and Jared. Even if Jared hasn’t known Olivia that long, he knows she will give him her honest opinion. And he needs that right now. 

“Nothing,” Jared answers and hates how his voice warbles.

He hears Olivia sigh and tell someone she had to take this phone call before she says, “You sound worked up over something.”

“Yeah, maybe I’m freaking out a little bit because there are some magazines suggesting Jensen is dating Joseph,” he replies honestly.

Olivia snorts. “Really?”

“Yeah. Liv, you know Jensen won that award. And he thanked his boyfriend.”

“He didn’t mention you by name?”Olivia interrupts him. 

“I asked him not too,” Jared says. 

“Okay, then it’s logical for the press to start speculating. Joseph was there, so they started guessing.”

“But Jensen shouldn’t have,” Jared begins but Olivia interrupts him once again.

“Shouldn’t have posed with his co-worker? Jared you know you’re being ridiculous right?”

Jared sighs. “Yes, just let me.”

“Alright, now tell me all about how unfair it was that Jensen did exactly what you asked him to do.” 

“Thank you, Liv,” Jared says before he continues ranting about how unfair it is.

When they hang up Jared feels much better. He’s happy he got to vent a little. He knows that he was unreasonable and if he had talked to Jensen, it probably would have ended in a fight. He’s lucky to have a friend like Olivia, who tells him he’s being unreasonable but listens anyway.

***

 

Jensen walks in on Jared reading a script at the dining table. He smiles and walks over to his boyfriend to kiss him hello.

“Hi babe,” he whispers as he leans over Jared from the back and kisses him when the other man looks up.

“Anything good?” he asks sitting down across from him.

Jared grins. “Some stuff to consider yes. Did your manager come up with any more directing offers for you?”

Jensen shrugs. He hasn’t really be looking. He knows he should, and he needs to make a living after all. But he wants to direct and all he is getting are acting jobs. Also, Joseph had asked him to wait before committing to anything, because Joseph had a project he wanted to work on with Jensen. 

Jensen tells Jared this and his boyfriend grins. “So you two are going to be the new Johnny Depp and Tim Burton?”

“More or less, but I think we’d be more into the drama, though,” Jensen says as he thinks about it. “Are you ready to go?”

Jensen has barely asked the question before the doorbell rings. They have made plans for dinner with Joseph and Olivia. Jared grins at him before standing up to open the door. They find Olivia standing at the front door. Despite what Jared believes, Jensen has no plans to set her up with Joseph. Dinner for three would be awkward, since Joseph and Jared don’t really know each other. Adding Olivia, he hopes, will help the flow of conversation, and Jared had said she is thrilled to meet Joseph.

Jensen steps up behind Jared to greet Olivia. She is dressed in a black dress that reaches just below the knee, and her hair is styled in a faux-hawk. Jensen stares at her. The only time he has seen her, she was wearing jeans and her hair and been artfully messed. Tonight she was looking like a princess. 

Jensen is about to invite her in when another car pulls up. Jensen smiles and waves when he sees Joseph behind the wheel. 

“Let’s go. I’ve made reservations at six,” Jared says as he gets his jacket from the coat hanger.

Jensen grins at Olivia. “He’s kind of excited. He almost invited Chris, Steve and Chad.”

“It’s okay, I’m excited too,” Olivia says, taking Jared's arm before skipping to the car.

Jensen shakes his head following them to the car.

“Where am I going?” Joseph asks and Jared gives him directions while Jensen makes small talk with Olivia.

Jared had requested a table in the back, just to avoid paparazzi. Jensen smiles, sits next to Jared, and takes his hand. 

“So Olivia you’ve been working with Jared?” Joseph asks when they’re all seated.

“Oh please,” the blonde girl says with a red blush colouring her cheeks, “call me Liv. Yes I’ve been working with Jay-man here. He’s great to work with. We’ve had so much fun together.”

Jensen listens to Olivia talk about Jared on set with her and Alex. He smiles a little when she tells them about Jared’s complaints about the script. It reminds him of their Supernatural days. 

“What are you smiling about?” Olivia asks him.

Jensen grins. “Jared used to tick off the writers with his suggestions. It’s why he had so many shirtless scenes. They couldn’t get revenge on him the usually way, since he was the star of the show.”

“Shut up! They did not!” Jared says, looking shocked.

“I’m sorry babe,” Jensen says then turns to Olivia and stage whispers, “the only reason why I didn’t warn him after the second time it happened was because he looks so hot shirtless.”

Joseph spews his wine over the table bursting out in laughter and soon the others join in. It ends up being a fun night out. 

When they walk out of the restaurant, Jensen sees the paparazzi, and grimaces. Somebody from the restaurant must have called them. He looks at Jared who’s walking behind him talking to Olivia. He doesn’t want Jared to get angry with him when photos of them together end up on the front page of some gossip magazine. Jared has made it very clear that he isn’t ready for that, and Jensen respects his choice. So Jensen walks closer to Joseph, to distance himself from Jared as the flashes go off.

***

Jared wakes up plastered to Jensen’s side. He groans and looks at the alarm clock. It is still early and he doesn’t really want to wake up yet. But now that he has opened his eyes, Jared knows he’s not going to get back to sleep. 

“Baby?” Jensen asks when Jared moves to get out of bed.

“Morning,” he says moving back so that he is lying against Jensen again.

When he looks up at Jensen, the other man his looking down at him with love in his eyes. Last night after dinner Jensen had taken Jared up to the bed and they had made love. Usually Jared hated the phrase, but with Jensen it made sense. Jensen’s eyes never left Jared’s as he drove into him again and again. The slow build-up had Jared writhing on the bed and coming harder than he ever had. Jensen had wrapped him up in a tight hugs, kissing him softly. Jared slowly drifted off to sleep, and had never felt so loved. 

“Why are you up so early,” Jensen asks with a yawn. “I thought I wore you out last night.” 

“You did, I just couldn’t sleep anymore.”

Jensen laughs and pulls Jared closer to him. “I’m feeling lazy, let just stay in bed a bit longer.”

They lay together in silence, with Jensen’s hands stroking Jared’s arm softly. Jared enjoys the closeness.

“Did you have fun last night?” Jensen asks.

Jared looks at up him with an arched eyebrow. “What? Being fucked into oblivion by you? It was alright, I guess.”

Jensen snorts. Jared is subjected to pulling, poking, and tickling. Jensen pushes at his shoulders so Jared is lying on his back, and Jensen keeps tickling him until Jared’s out of breath and is begging for mercy. Jared looks up at his boyfriend. He’s breathing hard, and is thinking how lucky he was that Jensen came back into his life. Jensen leans down to kiss Jared and Jared relaxes into the kiss. Jensen takes his time exploring Jared’s mouth. 

They spend their time making out until Tiny opens the door—the clever mutt learned that before he was fully grown—and made them jump apart in startlement. 

“I think I should walk the dog,” Jared says and gets out of bed.

“I’ll come with you,” Jensen says.

And Jared is happy to have this great lazy Sunday together.

***

Jensen laughs when Jared shouts at the television for the fourth time since the football game started. They are sitting together on the couch: Jensen holding a book and Jared watching the game. Jensen isn’t really into football, being more of a basketball man, but Jared is really into it. Jensen gave up on reading his book after the second time Jared startled him. 

“What?” Jared asks when he notices Jensen staring at him.

“I love you,” Jensen says, before leaning over and kissing Jared softly.

Jared laughs and pushes Jensen away softly, “I love you too.”

Jensen stands up, knowing Jared wants to watch the game in silence. He goes to the kitchen the kitchen to get his boyfriend a beer. When he gets back he sits next to Jared and gets his laptop. When he opens his email, he sees an email from his manager. He has found a project that he thinks Jensen might have interest in. When he read through it he nearly falls off the couch. 

“Are you alright?” Jared asks. 

“Yeah, no, did you know Kripke has a new project?”

That gets Jared’s attention and the other man leans over to read what’s on Jensen’s laptop. Kripke has requested Jensen and Jared get first pick on this, apparently. It’s about aliens coming to earth and trying to live together with humans. 

“I could totally see you as an alien,” Jensen says as he turns towards Jared.

He is intrigued; it’s clear that there will be a lot of the old Supernatural alumni. It would be fun working with the old gang again. Maybe he could convince Kripke to let him direct the whole thing.

“We could read a script. See what it’s about,” Jared says. He kicks his feet up on Jensen lap again. “Might be nice to work together again.”

Jensen silently agrees and replies to the email.

***

Jared sees the magazine on the kitchen table, opened to the article. So, of course, he reads it. This time he didn’t go out looking for it. No this time Jensen has brought it into their home.   
The article is about their dinner with Olivia and Joseph. Jared had hoped that people would see that he and Jensen are together but instead they are talking about Jensen and Joseph again. This time they even linked Jared with Olivia. 

Come on! They know Jared is gay! They should know better than to think he would date a girl, even one as hot as Olivia. He’s frustrated and sad when Jensen enters and he takes it out on his boyfriend. 

“Hey Jay, I see you read the article,” Jensen says.

“Yeah I read the article. They’re still talking about your new boyfriend!” Jared doesn’t know why he’s yelling but he’s just so upset. 

“My new what?” Jensen asks sounding confused. 

“For fucks sake,” Jared says and throws the magazine at Jensen. “It is just like old times. You, posing for a photo with everyone but me!”

Jared doesn’t even know where this is coming from. Jared thought that he was fine, but it turns out he was wrong.

“That’s not fair, Jared! You didn’t want to pose with me. You didn’t want everyone to know about me! What do you want from me Jared? I hope you know, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t!”

“Fuck this,” Jared says. “Fuck you!” he shouts before walking out of the kitchen.

 

***

Jensen runs after his boyfriend determined not to let Jared walk away again. He stops Jared before he can walk out of the door.

“Okay, what is this about Jared? We have to talk about this.”

Jared paces. “You never wanted to talk before,” he accuses.

Jensen grabs Jared’s hands. “This time is different, baby. I know it's hard but we need to get over that.”

Jared pulls away from Jensen like he's been burned. He turns on him, angry.

“Really, we? What do you need to get over? Huh?”

“Jay, you know there is nothing going on between me and Joseph. We can fix that article easily by giving an interview, by telling everybody we’re together. But you’re not ready for that, so . . . What are you so upset about?” Jensen asks carefully. 

“You don't know what it's like to be the one in a relationship who loves the most!” Jared desperately, trying to make Jensen understand.

Jensen looks up at Jared, shaken.

“You were always secure, with me, with Danneel. You knew that no matter how much you screwed us over we would be there for you.” Jared says and continues his pacing in front of Jensen.

“Until you left me,” Jensen says. It is out of his mouth before he realizes it, and Jared stops and glares at him.

“What choice did I have Jensen?” Jared says quietly. “You were breaking me!”

Jensen swallows around a lump in his throat, unable to speak. He knows it's true. He knows his selfishness had almost cost him everything, and he is grateful as fuck that Jared is willing to give him a second chance. But it has to be a fair chance. Jensen looks away from Jared’s face to stare the floor. Is Jared still upset about the way things were before? Just like Jensen is still feeling guilty about the same thing. They love each other, but how are they going to get past this? 

“I know and Jay I'm sorry. You know I really am,” Jensen says as he tries to grab Jared’s hands, and his heart breaks a little when Jared flinches like he's been burned.

“You didn't know what it was like. Seeing you with her, never being able to just hold your hand, be out and be happy.”

Jensen stands up suddenly angry. “Then be happy now! Jared, I can't take back what I did. I can't change the past. I am sorry. But if you're going to hold it over my head, this isn't going to work, not if you keep punishing me.”

Jensen thinks that maybe this is good, that they need to get this out in the open. They haven't really talked about what happened back then. Not really. And maybe it is time they do. 

They're both standing, glaring at each other, breathing harshly. Suddenly the anger drains from Jared’s face and he moves forward to softly touch Jensen's face. 

“Have I been doing that,” he asks, and his sad eyes find Jensen’s.

Jensen shrugs; it's not like he didn't deserve it. He knows damn well how much he hurt Jared. And he admits some part of him thinks he deserves to be punished. But enough is enough. He’s come to his senses maybe a bit late. If he doesn't love and protect himself, who else would?

“I have,” Jared whispers. “I hadn't realized that's what I’ve been doing. I guess maybe I'm still angry with you on some level. I just feel so insecure sometimes. I'm sorry babe.”

Jensen wants to say that it’s okay, to beg Jared to please not leave him.

Jared sits down and leans his head on Jensen's shoulders. Jensen shifts them so that they are both sitting comfortably. 

“I love you,” Jared whispers.

Jensen smiles softly. He knows that this isn't the last time they talk or fight about this, but at least for now everything is alright. 

“I love you too,” he answers, too tired to talk anymore.

***

Jared wakes up wrapped around Jensen the next morning. He has a slight headache from the fight last night, but he’s feeling better now that they had talked. He knows he was letting his old fear control his current relationship with Jensen. He plans to change that. He stretches and when he looks at Jensen he sees that the other man is awake already. Jensen smiles and kisses him.

“I’ve been thinking,” Jensen says, shifting so that he and Jared are both on their sides facing each other.

Jared takes a deep breath before gesturing for Jensen to go on.

“About last night—our fight. It’s clear we both still have issues.”

“I know,” Jared interrupts placing his hand on Jensen’s hip.

He doesn’t know where this is going but he doesn’t want Jensen to leave. He wants to make sure neither of them leave the bed before they are done talking.

“Babe,” Jensen sighs closing his eyes pulling Jared closer.

“I love you Jensen, so much, and I know I’ve been unreasonable. I’m just so afraid.”

Jensen nods, taking Jared’s hand from his hip, entwining their fingers, and placing a soft kiss on their joined hands.

“It’s okay, babe. Like I said, I’ve been thinking. And I know we’re going to have more arguments. But when something is bothering you, you need to talk to me about it.”

“And you have to talk to me,” Jared adds and Jensen nods.

“What I’m trying to say,” Jensen says with a soft smile, “is that it won’t be a happily ever after. We both have issues we need to work through. But I don’t need a happily ever after, I just want the ‘ever after’ part—with you.”

Jared feels a lump form in his throat at Jensen’s words and he tries to blink away the tears, before he leans forward to kiss Jensen. They share kisses and cuddle close.

Jared sighs. “I love you so much.”


	7. Chapter 7

Jensen looks at Jared and he knows his boyfriend is just as nervous as he is. The past few weeks had been hectic, and a lot of planning had needed to be done. But they were together and it had mostly been smooth sailing after their big fight 

They had shot the pilot for Kripke’s new show. Jared stared as the main character and Jensen directed. They even got Joseph and Olivia to play two minor characters. Jensen had lots of fun that one week they all spent on that episode. He and Jared had been ecstatic when they heard the show had been picked up by HBO. 

Kripke’s PA comes walking into the room telling them they should come on in ten minutes.

Kripke had organized some kind of a series of interviews to announce his new show. Even though Jensen was behind the camera this time, Kripke had requested he be there to attract the interest of their old Supernatural following. He is sure that once they watch the pilot, they will be hooked. 

Jensen had agreed, on one condition.

“I can’t believe Kripke has agreed for us to come out before the show even airs,” Jared says. It is obvious he is trying to make small talk to forget about his nerves, just like he always did. 

“Are you kidding me?” Jensen says laughing. “Most of the Supernatural fans were rooting for us to hook up. This will make it big on that fandom. I thought he was going to kiss me when I suggested it.”

Jared smiles, but, before he can say anything, the same PA as before enters again. “Five more minutes,” she says before scurrying away. 

“Are you ready?” Jared asks and there is a slight tremor in his voice.

Jensen nods and they both stand up. They can hear the fans through the door. 

“This better be worth it,” Jared says with a grin before he kisses Jensen.

“Ever after,” Jensen whispers, and slides on his ring. He shows it to Jared.

Jared nods and slides on his own ring. The light above the door turns red, indicating they should go on stage. “Ever after,” he says and opens the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after” is one of the most tragic sentences in literature. It is tragic because it tells a falsehood about life and has led countless generations of people to expect something from human existence which is not possible on this fragile, imperfect earth. The “happy ending” obsession of Western culture is both a romantic illusions and a psychological handicap. It can never be literally true that love and marriage are unblemished perfections, for any worthwhile life has its trials, its disappointments, and its burning heartaches. Yet who can compare the numbers of people who have unconsciously absorbed this “and they lived happily ever after” illusion in their childhood and have thereafter been disappointed when life has not come up to their expectations and who secretly suffer from the jealous conviction that other married people know a kind of bliss that is denied them..Life is not paradise. It is pain, hardship, and temptation shot through with radiant gleams of light, friendship and love.” – Joshua Loth Liebman


End file.
